This was an intriguing, powerful and inspiring piece to read right when I woke up. I really enjoy the underlying message here...you never know what others are fighting, even if they happen to walk around each day with a smile on their face. Anyone who deals with a mental health battle is a true warrior for making it as far as they do in life...I really love how empowering this is!
This - is - brilliant!! What people who are fighting mental disorders need to read. The periods at the end of every line are a bit jarring. I find other punctuation points could be used pin certain lines - the first line of each stanza for example would read better ending with a comma, that way they connect with the following lines, which I read are the continuation of the same thought. Stanza 3 Line 3 feels incomplete, given Line 4 is it's own complete thought, and Line 3 leaves readers hanging with the question of what do we need to show the whole world (my suggestion, if I may: "be more to the world" - that way it plays on the first line of that stanza, and then you could consider ending that with a comma and connecting it with Line 4). Lastly, the last line should start with an "A", otherwise people would be wondering whether "Mental Heath Warrior" should be pluralized.
Just my thoughts. Take them as you may. The poem is brilliant as a whole. Well done!
Posted 5 Years Ago
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