The Unpretenders - Chapter 14

Clearly Julian had every intention of satisfying our desires, and I had no reason to doubt his ability to do so. It seemed almost inevitable, therefore, that we'd soon be going to him with every capricious wish and whim imaginable. Had he any idea, I wondered, what he had let himself in for?

By mid-afternoon we were all outside, looking for a suitable spot for the stables. This meant venturing beyond the established gardens into more pastoral land. Baxter had come along too, which was nice; although I still felt a little intimidated by his size, and joked that I could almost saddle him up and go for a ride. I had his special red ball, in any case, and hoped that it would help us to bond.

At some point Isobel let it be known that she would like a swing, preferably overlooking the lake. That's how it started, anyway. It wasn't how it ended. For the basic swing proposal, after a little prompting from Julian, quickly developed into some sort of an adventure playground, complete with zip lines, rope bridges, tunnels and towers. Julian then suggested that she design it herself, which she thought was a wonderful idea. Baxter agreed, with an approving bark, and then ran to fetch the ball that I had thrown for him.

Isobel's confident attitude stood in stark contrast to my own. I suddenly felt very unsure of myself, in fact, and was embarrassingly unable to settle on a location for the stables.

"Does it please you to throw the ball?" said Julian, unexpectedly.

"What a curious question," I remarked. "I suppose that it pleases Baxter, at least."

"That's funny," he chuckled, "because Baxter feels that he's pleasing you, by returning it."

Obviously he was trying to make a point, but I had no idea what that point was, or why he was trying to make it. Then he confessed to picking up on my signals again, which was a term that he apparently thought sounded less intrusive than mind reading. He was right.

"In Kabbalah," he went on to explain, "there's something called the Bread of Shame, which refers to the receiving of something that one hasn't earned, or doesn't feel that one deserves. However, this notion is rooted in dualism. That is to say, the belief in a relationship between a separate, autonomous giver and a separate, autonomous receiver. Whereas, of course, from a broader perspective, the actions of giving and receiving are known to be a single, unified experience. So there are no negative connotations any more. In other words, the feeling of shame arises out of an erroneous presupposition. Which not only prevents the pleasure of receiving from taking place, but also prevents the pleasure of giving from taking place. Both parties lose out in this scenario. Or, rather, the One loses out. A win-win situation has become a lose-lose situation, through negative emotion and conditioning."

"Thank you, Julian. That helps a lot. And, don't worry, I shan't deprive you of the pleasure of giving."

"And why is that?"

"Because it's all me, at the end of the day. Me giving to me. Me receiving from me. It's all me!"

"Yes. Just as it is in a dream. However, the perception of oneself as an isolated body-mind serves to block this understanding, in both the dream and waking states of consciousness. Which, like all other apparent dualities, are not actually two, but one. They are simply modulations of the same universal awareness."

"So is Earth some sort of anomaly then?"

"Everything that's happening in the universe is ultimately a movement towards happiness, and pleasure, and away from pain. It's pure hedonism, in different guises and manifestations. Earth is not an anomaly, in that sense. In fact, it's a paradise for those who love what it has to offer. Central to which is the experience of having meaningful goals to aim for, a means by which to achieve them, and challenges to overcome along the way. You see, few people actually want things handed to them on a plate. For that would deprive them of the pleasure and satisfaction of having attained those things for themselves, through toil and effort. It would also likely be an affront to their egos, which thrive on personal glory. And besides, what else would they do with their time? All of which, of course, brings us right back to the Bread of Shame."

"So the Earth will always be here?"

"If the absence of meaning, drama, struggle and mystery are seen as intolerable, then a planet like Earth cannot help but manifest. And whilst suffering is obviously inherent to that manifestation, it is largely accepted as being preferable to the alternative. And for as long as that attitude persists, so too will the planet."

Baxter returned with his ball, once more, and dropped it lovingly at my feet. I then selected a perfect plot of land for the stables.