A Thousand Links

*Comments are appreciated and returned.* A Thousand Links is one of my experimental poems. It deals with facing death and fearing it, yet welcoming it at the same time.

Running through the paths unbidden,

Vicious thoughts from memory leap.

Back in arms of something forbidden,

May this senseless depression not keep.

In the dark of night,

Holding on to dreams so tight.

Hoping, wishing it could be true,

Yet not convinced, he thinks with rue.

Shadows shift; the reeds part:

Who was this with beating heart?

Awe replaces confusion and fear;

What he is waiting for is here.

Emerging into the pool of silver moonlight ---

Mysterious, complex, a secret it does hide.

A step forward, a twist there,

Moving slowly, with such care.

"I am here," it says,

In tone so deep, somber, grave:

"I am here," it repeats, voice booming, words echoing.

"I shall heal your pain. In return, I ask for nothing."

Intoxicating,

Heavy with meaning,

Promising to severe

The thousand links that tie me here.

Author's Note

I don't care if you butcher this or sing to the high heavens about this, I just really need your honest opinion. :)

Reviews

[TTBoy28]

It's as if the victim is smarter than death, i.e. Emily Dickinson. It's good. Not always do you need to rhyme--Shouldn't "severe" be "sever?" If it does, then you need to redo the last line. Good though!

[Daniel Gardner]

This is a great piece of work. I love the lyrical haunting tune it carries. It leaves the reader to think and imagine when their finished. Good work.

[HighBrowCulture]

nothing grills my insides more then AABB rhyming patterns. just saying. especially when the subject matter is death. it's like asking ozzy osbourne to cover a beach boys song with a piccolo flute.

[Fallen Angel]

I agree with mark, rhyming is overrated..not always though allot of my poetry rhymes sometimes it makes the flow..but in this case it breaks the flow a bit..this poem still needs a little work..but really don't get me wrong it has potential and for your age i'm impressed with your writing. Allot of young poets have a nasty habbit of conforming to the idea that poetry rhymes..because whenever people rhyme they think they are creating poetry which is absolutely not true. Poetry is pouring your soul out on paper, it's not just words and how they fit together it's saying with your words what no picture could ever explain. I really think you are good and if you break free from the idea that poetry is rhyming then you have the potential to be great! Keep writing

[Mark]

rhyming is overrated, you have a lot here that wants to be free from the bonds of rhyming. Trying to force something into that format often constricts it and blocks the flow of it. If you can feel the rhythm and tempo of it yourself then you don't need a structure to lead you. The poem will find its way like a babbling brook. Or a raging river or whatever else it might become. That being said, there are some powerful works out their that are structured and rhyming. I feel like I could connect to the streams of energy that inspired this and it is good. If you continue writing you will grow very nicely I can tell. You are already good anyway.

[NeverSurrender]

I honestly thought this was a great poem. I love the rhyme and for someone so young this is really a magnificent write. It has a meaning and is pleasant to read. Keep it going!

love,

N.S.