Chapter 1 Dawn

Aurora Dawn is being shipped of to Egypt. But who is mr. Mysterious???

I felt so out of place. Sitting in the Airport with my boarding pass in my hand. My pitch black curls were tied up in a high ponytail on the back of my head. Though some strands of hair had gone astray and were clinging to my face. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. I was being shipped of to Egypt to study at a high class Academy there. The reason for all this was a stupid blood test we had to take at school to check blood iron. Just because I'm a vegitarien doesn't mean I need a blood test. Thats when the doctors found Angel Essence in my DNA. That meant that I was an Angel and had powers and blah blah blah. Actually all I wanted to be was a normal human. Bu of course that didn't seem to be my "destiny". I learnt that Angels like myself are supposed to teleport but since I jHust learnt that a week ago. I would get lost in the 11 Dimension. Which is as good as hell.

" Aurora Dawn, last call for passenger Aurora Dawn, please board the Aircraft", a very high pitched voice spoke from the speakers above. I stood up and boarded my flight.

 

I was sitting inside the plane staring out the window. I was grateful for having a window seat but my stomache still felt queesy. It was the first time I was flying alone, and to another continent. All I could think of now was something to make me feel better. So I did something a normal teenager would do. I plugged in my I-pod and played my favourite songs by Violett six and a lot of old time classics. You could tell me I was old fashioned but hey, it made me feel better. My heart was pounding in my chest as the pilot announced the take-off. Just as he did a young man dropped himself in the seat next to me. The smell of  Coffee, earth and the sun  on a summer day filled my lungs. I reedily breathed in all of it. I turned my head to see a young man around eighteen staring at me the way I was staring at him. his sunkissed skin was a lovely moccha tone and his hair was the shiniest black I had ever seen. his pitch black and amazingly wavy hair reached his ears. His redish-brown eyes stared at me with an intensive warmth and the lips on his broad mouth were surprisingly a light brownish pink. His broad mouth opened to a smile revealing a set of white teeth and dimples.

" Hello, my name is Seth Keroberos, nice to meet you. Are you Aurora Dawn?"

Why would such a good looking person know me? Or talk to me? Was he a kidnapper?

Ok, now I was freaked...

Author's Note

Please Ignore grammar...

Reviews

[Greg Close]

I will ignore grammar, as requested (it's not too bad, but does need some clean up)! The overall concept is only touched on lightly, but I did enjoy how you introduced the idea of the Angel Essence from within the perspective of your heroine. While some might revel in, she's kind of petulant and bored " I was an Angel and had powers and blah, blah, blah." I enjoyed that. I think you could leave out the following sentence about wanting to be normal - it's inferred nicely by the "blan, blah, blah" and comes across as a more natural character moment. Another fun line: "just because I'm vegetarian doesn't mean I need a blood test." ;)
In the first paragraph the third and fourth sentences, you repeat use of the word "curls" so should probably pop in a synonym for one or the other instance, just to keep it fresh. The reference to Bruno Mars seems a little too specific and contemporary. On the one hand, it might work to show that this is a reality very similar to our one; on the other, it might be too similar? I guess I'm undecided, but it stuck with me so I guess it's worth pointing out, at least.

[Inkmoon]

Thank you all so much for your honest reviews!!! Let me tell you that you just made my day :) I just had a busy time this last year. But now thanks to you I am motivated to start writing again :)
Again thank you very much

[Willow]

Keroberos eh? Do I detect a fellow fan of Card Captor Sakura? Alright, review time. Like Greg Close I will place aside your grammar difficulties, even though it could have been much, much worse. Your writing has a natural cadence to it that makes it an easy read, even for a first person narrative. One thing I would suggest removing is your mention of a favorite song with the band's name. I'm a bit opinion oriented here, but I personally dislike the mentioning of modern in fiction. Like Greg already told you, in the first paragraph you use the word 'curls' twice. Now, it isn't a bad thing, but your writing might read a bit more smoothly if you used another word to describe the same object, like tresses or simply hair.
I liked your introductory sequence into Angel Essence, it was well done and attracted my interest. I'd like to know what happens next, so you were successful in hooking your readers (or at least me). Lol now that I read Greg's fully, his review already mentioned a lot of what I'm bringing to light, and I'm sorry that I couldn't nitpick a bit more. In all, good job and keep it up. You're young, and you're going to get much better in the future.

[Taylor Raven]

First off let me say this, cool pen name. Your writing is natural and clean, so it reads smooth. You had me wanting to read the rest, . . . what happened! So is it finished or do you have a website we can read a little more? Good luck!