A Different View

When he kissed Cassie goodbye that morning and, kneeling, said goodbye to his unborn daughter, rubbing his wife’s belly, all seemed normal. It was a bright and shiny day, and he felt ready to take on the work day. David was an energetic, passionate man, and quite the morning person as well. After a few cups of coffee and a shower, he felt like superman; of course he traded the spandex and cape for a suit and tie, but nevertheless, felt invincible. He grabbed his coffee-to-go and briefcase, and walked out the door with one last wink towards his family. As he opened the door to his Cadillac, he took in a deep breath of the morning air and thanked God for such days. He got in and started the car, and pulled out of the driveway. He looked to his right towards his nice two story home, freshly cut grass, and the dog barking in the back yard. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Cassie staring out the window, watching him as he drove down the street and took a right, headed towards Main Street, and then the highway. He took a drink of coffee as he hit the onramp onto I-44, and cranked the radio. His favorite song was on. He had a feeling it was going to be a good day. 

            David was thinking of his unborn child, and how he longed for her to be born; how she and Cassie were his inspiration for all the hard work he did, and his sole source of happiness when, a few cars ahead of him, a tanker truck had a blow out and started to swerve out of control, striking the front of the car that was in the left lane. David hit his breaks, and that might have been what doomed him. The car the truck had hit was slammed into the concrete barrier with such force that it flipped backwards several times, landing on David’s Cadillac. In those moments, as he saw the car coming down, saw the frightened faces of the people in the other car, his thoughts were of his wife, and unborn daughter; whom he had longed for six long months to see. He gripped the wheel and braced. Darkness took him. He woke a few times, once he thought he was in an ambulance. There were voices all around him. He tried to open his eyes, but couldn’t. His next moment of conscious awareness he thought he heard Cassie’s panicked voice, and doctors screaming. Then he heard a flatline.

            He was standing in the hospital room, looking over at Cassie, who was in tears. He ran to her and embraced her, telling her he was fine, that everything was ok. “Ms. Johnston, I’m sorry. We did all we could.” A doctor said. David slowly looked down at the bed and his mutilated body, and screamed. “I’m right here!” he said. “I’m right here, Cassie! Someone tell me what is going on!” the doctors slowly pulled a sheet over his body and covered his face. Cassie collapsed. David tried to fight through the nurses to his wife, but couldn’t get to her. reality slowly crept in. He fell to his knees and prayed to god to wake up. “Lord, don’t take me now, don’t take me from my family, please. It’s not my time.. not yet.” But it was no use. He watched as the hospital staff rolled his body out of the room, and the nurses got Cassie in a chair and held her, until his parents, and hers, arrived and wept together. David wept to, and tried to call out to each of them. He tried to knock things about the room, tried anything to get anyone’s attention, but to no success. Slowly but surely the family filled the necessary paperwork and escorted Cassie from the hospital to her parents house, where David followed. He wasn’t sure how, in fact he wasn’t even aware he had moved from the hospital hallway, until he found himself inside Cassie’s parents home, where he sat beside his weaping, agonizing wife and talked to her and pressing one hand to her stomach, knowing she couldn’t hear him, but hoping that he could get through at some point; that maybe she could feel his presence somehow. David felt so many emotions; such sadness, rage, and hatred for what had happened. He felt all of Cassie’s pain, the family’s pain, and the indescribable pain of knowing he wouldn’t be there for his daughter. There was so much pain throughout the house that night, and for the first time ever, he felt helpless. He felt as helpless and abandoned as the rest of his family. He prayed again, although doubt had started to work itself into his mind. Why am I here? He wondered. Is this the real afterlife? Did I do something wrong? Where are you God? Where are you for my family, for me?  David began to consider the fact that maybe this was his hell, to bear witness to all this pain and anguish in the fact that for once he could do nothing. Maybe this was to be his punishment. He paced the floor of the living room for the rest of the evening, calling out Cassie’s name every so often, who didn’t sleep; She was just curled up in a ball on the right side of the couch. David looked on as members of the family would take turns consoling her. As the sun came up, David was sinking into the greatest anguish any soul could know; for he truly believed this was his hell.

            Sometime in the afternoon his boss, Samuel Witters, along with a few close colleagues, arrived at the home, each in tears, each embracing Cassie like David would never be able to do again. His closest friends Steve and Kaleb were not far behind; and Cassie’s friends also began to pour in. David called out to each of them, tried to embrace them, tried in vain to do anything to get anyone’s attention but in the end no one heard him; they were all focused on Cassie and her pain. He looked on as they all pleaded with her to eat something, he called out to her to eat, for her sake and for the sake of her daughter, but she wouldn’t. “Please baby, eat, you have to eat. For both of you…” He continued calling out to the people around the room. He walked over to Steve and grabbed him by the shoulders, screaming into his face, but to no effect. “Steve,” he said “you were my closest friend, hear me now. Hear me, please.” It was no use. Steve sat in the floor with his head in his hands, tears flowing between his fingers, along with everyone else in the room. David was so angry that he had let down everyone in the room, and everyone else. All these senseless tears being shed, and he was the cause. The door opened, and his mother, helped inside by his father and the family’s preacher, entered. He ran to his mother first, then his father, reaching for both of them. He didn’t understand how he could touch them all, but they did not feel anything. He reached for his family’s preacher, Rev. Taylor, and cried out in anguish to him. “Is it all a lie? Why am I here? Why did God let this Happen? Tell me!”  As his parents made their way to Cassie and held her, the Reverend called everyone together. “Let us pray together” he said. “Dear Lord, be with this family in their hour of grief, in the darkest of night. Be with David as his soul returns to you. Lord, wipe the tears from our eyes, for we know your abounding love and compassion; although we may not understand death. Be with us oh mighty Lord, as we mourn our loss, and let us find comfort in the knowledge that a wonderful soul has returned to you. Amen.” “Amen.” The household echoed; an echo tainted by the sobs of Cassie. David was enraged; angry at the reverend, at the prayer,  at everything. He hadn’t returned to anything; hadn’t found the Lord; hadn’t done anything but abandon his loved ones. “Lord, what did I do wrong?” he called out. “What did I do?” the Reverend turned his head a little, almost as if he had heard or felt David’s cries, but he said nothing. Nor did he respond when David called out to him again, pleading for acknowledgement.

Kaleb stepped out of the house and lit a cigarette; David followed “Why did you leave us, man? Why you? You were the best of all of us.” Kaleb asked the nothingness. “I’m right here man, I didn’t go anywhere. I don’t understand any of this. I don’t understand why it had to be me, or why I’m here now, with all of you. If any part of you can hear me, please tell everyone I love them, and I’m watching over them. Please tell Cassie I will be watching over both of them.” Kaleb took a long drag of his cigarette and began to sob, sinking to the ground. He threw the cigarette into the yard, but said nothing else. David went back inside and stood in the corner; watching the anguish of his loved ones; anguish he had caused, and could do nothing to help fix. He was dead, and that, was that.

            His funeral was held three days later; there was a steady downpour of rain falling to compliment the tears of well over fifty of his family, friends, colleagues, and people he hadn’t even known. The Reverend had prepared a fine eulogy that he coolly read just over the drone of the rain. He wasn’t surprised when, just before ending his speech he quoted David’s favorite Psalm, 23:1-6.  “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever…”  David looked on all the sad faces, their tears falling in rhythm with the rain, looked on as his casket was lowered slowly beneath the earth, adourned with flowers and various other artifacts; and he did observed all of this with the same sense of confusion he had felt since the day he died. He had no idea what to do, or what to believe. He wanted to believe that this was not his hell, and that there was a reason he was still bound to the earth, to Cassie, his daughter, and family, but there was always that indescribable doubt. As the care takers began to shovel the mud atop his coffin, David stood stupefied, pained in such a way as could never be told, and angry. He cried out to the Lord, and on his knees, between sobs, watched the procession slowly trickle away. Cassie was the last to be reluctantly led away by her parents.

All David could be certain of is that no matter where Cassie was, he was too. He always found himself near her, as if attached. He knew that he could do things such as throw something across the room and watch it shatter, but just as quickly what he threw would be back in its place, and no one but he would know any different. He spent his hours with one hand on Cassie’s stomach, the other around her shoulders, hoping that either she or his daughter would hear him, just once. Each word he said to them, he made sure had such gravity and meaning, in hopes that the stronger the message the more likely it would be heard, but it was always the same thing. Cassie,  green eyes sometimes filled with tears, sometimes shaded with that hollow, empty, look that depression colors, would call out to him at random times daily and that is what had begun to be the thing that stung the most. Her pain hadn’t ceased, nor had his. David struggled daily with the great doubt, and with the pain and guilt he had inflicted upon his family and friends by abandoning them. Such doubt, such rage, and pain as may never be described by the living.

A couple weeks went by, and David could only watch as all that had defined him deteriorated. Cassie was in a terrible depression, their home had lost its shine, the grass wasn’t being cut every couple of days like he used to cut it, even the dog, with whom he used to play fetch at least an hour a day, had stopped eating and just laid around the yard in a sad state. Kaleb fell into a bout of alcoholism, Steve fought severe depression, until his own family demanded he seek help. David could only look on as he saw his parents come to check on Cassie, both with the look of abandoned parents, who should never have to suffer the loss of a child. Of course friends and family came by to make sure Cassie was eating, and cut the grass here and there; His mother would come by every few days and tidy up, but nothing was of comfort. Within a month the house went up for sale, and Cassie moved into her parent’s home, dividing much of David’s manly belongings amongst his parents and friends, and keeping the rest for herself. She kept a photo album of all of their vacations and memorable moments together right beside her, with the first flower he had ever given her taped to the inside cover. She kept the drumstick he had caught for her at the Ozzy Osbourne show a few years ago, the giant bear he had won for her at a carnival, and his guitar, amongst many more pictures and keepsakes in her room. David tried once to pluck at the strings of his guitar, and had almost thought she had heard him, but she gave no sign other than a slight twist of her head as she slept.

One day, while David was laying his head on Cassie’s belly, he whispered “I’m here, my daughter, I’m here. I’ll always be here.” The baby moved; Cassie woke up screaming. He couldn’t tell what emotion, either joy or anguish, was on her face as she rose. “David?” she said. “I’m here. Can you hear me?” He replied, with great joy. But she didn’t say anything else. She just held her stomach and felt their daughter move about. David reached back to her stomach and felt the baby kick. “Daughter, do you hear me?” it felt like a hand reached for his, and Cassie began to weep. “David, I know your there. I can feel you. I just can’t hear you.” David felt tears falling, but was happy at the same time. He had found a medium; a way to get through. Maybe this is my purpose, he thought. Maybe I am supposed to be here for my daughter. He laid his head on Cassie’s stomach and laid there for hours, it seemed to comfort the three of them; and he was happy. This ritual proceeded daily until the time came for their daughter to be born. David was there as Cassie lay on the hospital bed; one hand on her stomach, the other on her cheek, whispering to her. “I’m right here. Our daughter is coming. Let her into this world, so that we can look at what we made.” Cassie pushed painfully for some time, screaming, but David liked to think she was listening to him, and was comforted by his words. As their daughter’s first cries were heard, David’s knees nearly gave out, even in death. He looked down on a beautiful baby girl as she was placed into Cassie’s arms, surrounded by both families. He kissed them both on the cheek and held one hand to his daughter, the other on Cassie’s shoulder as gazed on them both with profound joy for what seemed an eternity; and then darkness took him. When Cassie woke from a nap later that afternoon she told the family “I think David was here. I think he was here for this.” They all wept. 

Reviews

[Riding the Rainbow]

Thank for writing this amazing story. You really touched my heart and this is something I usually write..loss..life is short and you never know when it's your time.

[A.J.]

once again, thank u so much.

[Riding the Rainbow]

You're welcome;)))))))

[Catlen]

This was sheer beauty. I swear my eyes welled at some point. I share the same notion that our beloved ones never actually leave us when they pass.

If I may, I'd like to make some suggestions. In the beginning change "all" with "everything". Instead of "take on the work day" how about saying "take on another working day"? You need to capitalise Superman / The doctors slowly / Reality slowly/ Reverend. You have used the word slowly three times in that paragraph, maybe change one of them.
He got in and started the car and pulled out... maybe make it: got in, started the car and....
two-story home / freshly-cut grass
to her parents' house
Cassie moved into her parents' home
David, I know you're there

[A.J.]

Sweet thanks! Ill be taking a look at those.. This story is pretty old. I guess i should have glanced over it before posting. :(

[Catlen]

I said so yesterday, but I'll say it again: You, my friend, are a true writer! Never stop! I love your stories. They make me sad, but I still love them. I'll keep reading your work!

[A.J.]

:) thank you very much