Morning Views; 16. JUL

1.

 

Sunlight streaming through the trees,

Last nights rain drips and dissipates

As if searching for the long lost sea

-just like me

And though im saddened the sky no longer sings

I think Ill take a walk upon the rays today

 

2.

 

I reach my hand across the bed

Feel the familiar emptiness-

No soft curves or sleepy eyes,

No springtime locks to entangle me.

I pull the pillows closer in

But they haven’t held much warmth in years.

Tell myself its no use remembering

And beg the streaming light to let me sleep again.

 

 

3.

 

Im staring from here to there

Wondering how to cross these sands

To the shores I see in my dreams,

Where she might be waiting patiently.. 

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

What a bittersweet write... I feel the emotion in this one, and the honest way with which you portrayed it. I love the imagery in the second section...I have been here; pulling close a pillow instead of a warm soul to share my breathing and comfort my spirit. "Tell myself its no use remembering"-- this line really hit hard. Beautiful use of language and seascape images.

Suggestions:
2nd line "Last night's"
5th line "And though I'm saddened"
6th line "I think I'll take"
11th line --suggest removing "in" from the end of the line...just "I pull the pillows closer"

Overall, this was a very powerful piece that I completley enjoyed. Well done, look forward to reading more of your work.

[A.J.]

hello and thank you very much! thank u! i wasnt exactly aiming to perfection in even punctuation, being that in 'Morning Views" they are my first waking thoughts, if you get my drift.. but I'll cross my T's and dot the i's in the future! - its only professional. lol.

[Catlen]

Lovely piece, very emotional. Good choice of words, very descriptive.


(You're missing a few apostrophes)

[A.J.]

thank u! i wasnt exactly aiming to perfection in even punctuation, being that in 'Morning Views" they are my first waking thoughts, if you get my drift.. but I'll cross my T's and dot the i's in the future!

[littlewhitebird]

I enjoyed this piece very much. God I could feel the emotion seeping through, oh baby, it was warm. Loved your style.

[A.J.]

thank u very much! :)