Buried Yesterday

Buried Yesterday

A Poem by A.J.

 

I buried myself yesterday- it went without ceremony

Just cinders and then ashes, a bottle of Jack presiding

I spent the most of the day reminiscing the past-

You know the place; Its where devils and Ex’s go

To pound war drums and whisper sinister curses

Then something inanimate, we’ll call him Wilson,

Said something walking the lines of

“Look to the stars, Bowen” or something similar

I took the advice and built myself a nice fire,

then went inside and grabbed a few things,

mostly lingering memories and broken picture frames

how quickly it turned into a Pyre

as all that defined me for so long turned to smolders

leaving only the framework for something distinct-

something bolder. 

© 2013 A.J.


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Reviews

Lines 1-5 are excellent, they really pull you in, however 6-7 need a bit of work (I understand the importance of "wilson" being inanimate) but maybe rephrasing and adding quotations to his name and playing a bit more with the wording would help.

Ex:
Then something inanimate, "Wilson"--
Said something, walking the lines of...

In line 8, omit (or something similar) because in line 7 you clarify that it is something along the lines of, not necessarily those exact words. The rest of the work is perfect.

I politely urge you to consider my humble opinion, only the author knows best, but your work is exceptionally great, with a tad bit of polishing and I can see it having a very easy time being published.


Posted 11 Years Ago


A.J.

11 Years Ago

thanks very much! Ill take the advice, and edit this evening! i see what you mean.. and although 8 w.. read more
The Verse: A Poetry Journal

11 Years Ago

I'm glad you understand.
I like to sit in the ashes for a good while, burn myself as well as the memories. As I smolder, the connective tissue that binds the these things to my soul dissolves with the pieces it infected, and whatever is left is cauterized so I can only bleed from my pen.

Posted 11 Years Ago


A.J.

11 Years Ago

"there is nothing to being a writer. you just sit at a typewriter and bleed." -Hemingway
"lingering memories and broken picture frames

how quickly it turned into a Pyre

as all that defined me for so long turned to smolders

leaving only the framework for something distinct-

something bolder. "
I like the ending the most but the whole too...:)



Posted 11 Years Ago


A.J.

11 Years Ago

thank you very much. I try very hard to focus on imagery in much of my work.
Sami Khalil

11 Years Ago

OK. You are welcome...:)

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Added on July 15, 2013
Last Updated on July 15, 2013

Author

A.J.
A.J.

Ft. Gibson, OK



About
My pen name is AJ. As far as writing, I enjoy finding the beauty, the tragedy, the strength and the reality of everything, right down to smallest, seemingly most insignificant details. The world as I .. more..

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