The Queen

A Story by InhObv.

The first writings of what could eventually be developed further.

On the morning of the coronation, she woke with a start an hour before dawn. She stepped outside on to the balcony and allowed herself to take a heavy breath as her eyes adjusted to the dark.

The sun would soon begin to rise, and what was now obscured in shadow would be illuminated: the hills and valleys of her kingdom to the east, the Great City to the west. Less than a mile from where she stood, she knew that preparation would be well under way in the saints' chapel, and even now the streets would be filled with throngs of peasants and pilgrims alike, hoping to catch a glimpse of their coming queen.

There would be legalities, celebration, pomp and tradition but for the moment there was silence, perhaps for the last time. Words would be said that would be written in the annals of history, decisions made to the delight or detriment of the masses. The coming light would bring the beginning of a new era for the nation, but the end of a childhood for this young woman. With each passing moment, her reign drew closer and her past continued to dwindle away.

She stood against the rail with her back to the breeze, closed her eyes and waited. She had told herself that she would make the most of the silence, but if anything she found herself feeling nervous and impatient. A sense of expectation unsettled her; there was too little time to come to terms with this sudden turn in her fate. In the quiet she could rationalise and reflect, but within hours she would be surrounded by advisors and diplomats she had never met, agendas unknown.

Hours had been spent hunched over history books, reading of monarchs deposed and rulers betrayed, praying to the gods that she would find composure and tact. In secret she had trained herself mentally and physically, disciplining body and mind to be stronger and quicker. She had hardened her heart and limited her interests, chiselling away until all that remained was profitable and pragmatic. She knew that she could show no sign of weakness or betray the slightest lapse in confidence and grace. She had to learn, adapt and fight to survive. These were the fleeting moments of a former life; when she opened her eyes, she would be reborn and her plight would begin.

The sun had begun to rise and she could feel the light upon her, the darkness behind her eyelids changing from black to red. By now the landscape would be visible, silhouetted spires and towers emerging from the dark. Beyond her chamber, shuffling could be heard as maids rose and set about their daily tasks. In just a few moments, there would be a knock on her door to wake her and preparations for the coronation would begin. Her time was over and she took one last moment to say goodbye to the life she had once lived. Then she opened her eyes, and smiled. The coronation was later that day, but the reign of Queen Alayne had already begun.

© 2015 InhObv.

Author's Note

particularly worried about the flow and use of passive voice.

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Saengard

pretty good stuff. I can understand your concern on the passive elements, however I don't think that is really a problem here. When I write, I really hate writing those quiet thoughtful moments where we need to get inside a characters head... especially right at the beginning. It's tough to do and still have people interested in continuing on. There's been a few times where I felt like maybe I got it, but it's a rare thing. I've learned there's three levels of viewing a character: Outside looking in, Inside looking in and Inside looking out. This passage does the first two, but it's the last one that tends to hook readers in to the character and story. hope that helps.