Winter Song

A Story by Kotryna

Diary type short story. Just something simple.

Winter Song

I have always loved winter. Those dark, long and sacred nights, when everything is covered with whiteness, when stars shine bright and the world’s a secret. As a young girl, I used to go out every night and take lonely walks all by myself. It was just me and darkness, mysterious shadows and stardust under my feet or in the air I was breathing. Night knew how to keep my secrets, she knew how to wipe away my fears. We were both the same " dark from the outside but full of silver inside.

I remember how lonely and lost I used to feel. No one could understand me, well, no one actually did try to understand me. I needed some place to hide from everyone and everything, some place to feel safe. So I took late night walks.

My fingers and toes used to freeze to the bone, I shivered and tried to cover my face with my scarf but I didn’t mind really. I guess I learned at a fairly young age that physical pain is simply nothing compared to bleeding soul. And indeed, there was nothing like those late, lonely and magical nights when I was just me, frozen to death, but still burning within. Sometimes I cried before going back home.

I had a father who was the most important thing in the world and who said he would kill himself, leave the family or something similar more times than I can remember. I was the one who dared to say ‘no,’ to stand for myself and to stand strong. I was the only one who dared to see he was wrong, to say that he was hurting everyone. I couldn’t stay quiet when my mom was crying, when she was abandoned, humiliated and not respected by him, but she seemed to hate me for that instead of the one who actually did hurt her. And I was the one who made all the mess in the so called family. All the blame was on me because I was not quiet, because I could not let anyone ever treat me like I was nothing. And maybe because I cared about books more than dirty dishes and what our neighbors had for dinner.

I used to cry a lot. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep, sometimes I cried for days without a moment of peace. No one cared and the only creature I could hold on to when I was slipping away from life, from hope, from everything was my dog. Those were the only two gentle eyes that had never left my side. And I promised him to take us both away and start all over again somewhere far away, where no one can reach us and hurt us. I knew I was made for a different life, I knew I did belong with different people. If no, then I did not want to live.

The night is cold. Snow is slowly falling down on my bare skin. It goes straight through my pores to my soul and fills it with silver. I lay here on the cold ground under the winter sky and surrender. I’m one of a dreamer kind. I’m a fighter. I will be alright.

I can barely feel my body, it’s freezing out here.

Moments later, I sit up, open my eyes and see the whole mysterious night buried with snow, stars, silence and stillness. It doesn’t matter anymore what will be said and done tonight, tomorrow, or a month later. The one thing is true: it will all be a memory someday soon and if they want to keep their hell, well, they can, but I’m not part of this anymore.

© 2014 Kotryna

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Fernando Dardón

Wow, this is a strong story, full of pain, tears, hate. But also of lo ve and braveness.
It takes a strong heart to stand such things.
I don't know if you're the character con this story, but anyway it is to be admired.
I also feel a bit identyfied with this story, since muy childhood was pretty lonely and sad un someways (mostly con school).
I also liked its poetic begining, specially this pone
"It was just me and darkness, mysterious shadows and stardust under my feet or in the air I was breathing. "
Here in Guatemala doesn't snow,but there are mountains and it is ver y cold there. That line remembered me when I walked through San Pedro streets, the town where my grandparents live, a very cold place, cause its on the mountains
Congrats!! I liked it a lot

Fernando

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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10 Years Ago

Thank you so much Fernando! :) I'm glad you liked it :)
I actually had had so called writer's .. read more

10 Years Ago

But believe me, San Pedro temperature is not that cold as in Lithuania, so you would surely find th.. read more

10 Years Ago

:) I really enjoy all kinds of weather! San Pedro would be just amazingly exotic :)

Reviews

A. Amos

I really feel sorry for all the pain you went to, however everyone in this world is faced or facing some kind of struggle deep down in their lives. I'm very much glad and happy you that you're standing on your feet and you never give up. So my two thumbs for you and now you're such a gifted writer and with your this story I know many will feel poignant deep in your soul. Be safe be strong and I wish you a wonderful life ahead....