Phobia

Just pouring out my heart, really...

So utterly frightening, and deliciously powerful.

To feel how deep you are falling, and deny yourself the pleasure of the free fall.

Unexplainable, my phobias, my withdrawal.

You are in love with me, and I am with you - but no, I must hide it, it is too good to experience. Too scary to feel, I nip it at the bud, glimpsing at the brightness of the blossom.

And when we kiss, I feel it in my stomach - it tries to enrapture me, to swallow me whole. The depth of the sensation, the thrill of excitement. Infatuation, adoration.

So I run away, you run after me, you track me down every time, I eagerly surrender. And in my defeat you get a glimpse of the depth of my feelings, and want me even more. Your passion scares me, suffocates me, makes me run again.

How long will this last, I have no faith in a happy ending, while knowing how close to a fairytale love we have gotten.

I can't let it flow over me. The taste makes me thirsty, but I stop myself from drinking. I try to let go, try to go with the flow - my fear takes over again and again, kills my stride, makes me choke, petrifies me.

Physically immobilized, cold and proud as a rock. Internally wretched, yearning to surrender.

Help me let go, help me believe.

Yank me from my stifling fears, before I stamp out our beautiful flower.