Passive

passive
never realizing it's myself
a small satisfaction 
no
hatred?
nothing's wrong.
it's okay.
I'm fine. 
don't worry.
passive
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it
emotion.
anger.
frustration.
sadness. 
tears fall not knowing where to land always showering the small ecosystem of my mind never slowing down never stopping stop stop stop stop STOP STOP  S T O P


stop.
leave me alone.
no one would miss me.
stop lying.
go away.
I hate you. 
you?
no.
me. 

selfish.
selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish
no one wants to listen
no one cares 

dysphoria.
is that me? 
no. 
then who?
who knows? 
boy
girl
man 
woman
prey 
predator
eating
eating me alive
eating me eating me eating me eating me eating me

no 

stop 

nervous 
nervous 
what to do?

don't go
don't stay
please 
please please please please please
confusing
you confuse me
muddled thoughts broken down by winding unwalked paths into the brain

drowning
as I slip into water
stop
stop
don't go.
no one will miss you.
you're a no one.
go away.
no one needs you.
stop talking
stop 
stop stop stop stop sto-

gone.
silence
moaning houses 
groaning branches
swaying
a breeze?
the window

don't go
I need you 
please
please I'm drowning please I'm drowning please I'm drowning please I'm drowning please I'm drowning  

stop.
there's a toxicity leaking from my mouth as you vomit up words i can't even begin to think about right now

silence.
you've left.
it's all my fault.
I'm sorry.
come back.
I need you.
help me.

calling.
you're calling me.
over and over 
my phone.
it's all I can hear and I feel like I'm drowning in my own bodily fluid and I can't move
silently stuck to the tile as I keep hearing it and hearing it and hearing it and hearing it and hearing it

I'm dead to myself.
passive. 
hopeless.
emotional mess.
who am I?
me?
no. 
not anymore.

Author's Note

//gross emotional stuff//

Reviews

[Mayank]

This is written very well and should be read in one go, that make outcry hear better...

[sinNsincerity]

This is truly amazing and was such a great read.
A shotgun blast of mixed emotions!

[AaronFreitas]

A lot of powerful emotions in this write...i love they way you describe your feelings though... good piece :)

[....................]

Emotions are far from neat tiny packages of understandable feelings - they are indeed messy. You capture frustration in this piece very well. I love the flow and passive energy created. Good job.