First Regret

Through out my life people I cared for disappeared.  I never quite understood why; why did they want to leave my life like this? 

I smiled when I thought of her just now.  She may know, but really I never showed it in person.  How was I to, her situation never allowed me to, nor mine.  And then when I was aware something was possible I was gone on my new journey that I cannot interrupt now.  I want to call her and ask “why, why did you disappear again?” 

I never even looked her in the eyes to show her, I was in town and I didn’t go to her.  She was hurt and I said I’d be there if she wanted, I should’ve already been on my way to her side.  Is this living with regret, real regret?  You know as I have grown up I have had many instances where I thought I felt regret “I should have kissed her” or “why did I stop going to the gym?!” but nothing has felt like this before.

 

 

           First Regret

 

A heavy chalky cloud wafts inside

With a color of sadness

Is it mixed with guilt or self anger

 

A restless fog sifts through my cracks

Surrounding me and choking me

Creating dead limbs and eyes

 

Thoughts race around

What ifs and why nots

When does it all stop swirling within

 

Through all my years trivial regrets

Sew themselves into my being

And remove themselves just as easy

 

My wandering mind is centered on one thing

On her and the mistakes I may or may not have

made.

 

My regret, I never had the chance to make mistakes with her.

           

            My regret, I never had the chance to make up those mistakes to her.

 

            My regret, I never told her in person.

Reviews

[terena]

:]

[Jessica M.]

Wow, I really like how in the beginning or this poem the regret evolves from a cloud to fog,
from a minor annoyance to a true wound.
This is a nice write, looking back on what might have been had the courage arose.