A fire burns in my palms

A Chapter by Will Zombie

I wrote this and as I did my hands started shaking. Perhaps from not writing for a time? Perhaps energy finally found a way to escape my hands? I do not know. It was an experience though.

Living in the moment is something that many people and many cultures believe to be a difficult task though when accomplished it is no where short of remarkable. In fact I find that it is more than difficult, though the struggle only drives me to want to succeed in it that much more. I had a thought this evening that every decision I make is thus being chosen in the moment. It is rarely thought out beyond that moment though I seem to look past them as I live them. I look past them to the next moment, showing that I do not yet live in the moment, in the now. I wish to accomplish something.

How to live second by second, and yet still have the ability to advance yourself? Is there a way to accomplish such a feat? I do not yet know, it seems a backwards chance. In one hand I have the now, and I have the possibility of something I do not even understand yet. And in the other hand I have the past and future where my memories dwell, and my dreams wander. So in these 3 times lays my dilemma, how to see those things now. Is thinking about the future living in the now? I am experiencing the world, the things around me but am I not also dreaming of the future? Or is it that when I dream of the future my mind is not focused on the now merely resting in it?

Alas my mind is wrought with ifs and buts, however hard I try at the moment I am still growing to that point.

My writing has lapsed as of late and I feel a sort of energy in my hands that make me strike my keys harder than I ought, and yet I cannot stop. I stop and shake my hands violently trying to rid them of the energy that is stored in them but I do not succeed. My boading balls have been an instrument of temporary relief of my energy in my hands in the recent weeks though they are not the outlet I have come to love. My life is my soul and my soul is my experience of this world. No matter the quarries of what happens after this life for I will not remain, and now is the time I experience my soul in all its wonders. I must continue to realize these things and move from them as a swift wind through a sea. The sea is my knowledge and the wind fly’s over top of it mile after mile. And in each mile my wondrous sea of knowledge and wisdom slowly evaporates into my wind, into this constant moving force of mind and energy and soul. And once I collect enough of my sea, I release it in a hurricane of my words. I do not have an aim in these and yet I have every aim possible of my mind. What is it to be in a trillion places at once and what is it to finally see yourself for who you are? I do not know, however much I wished for it in the past I have only yet to begin scratching the surface of my wonders.