ANAPHORA

Unprofessional Side.

   

I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM ANGRY I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MADAF I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM MAD AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT I AM LOSING MY SON TO HIS DAD. I AM JUST WATCHING MY SONS LOVE FOR ME JUST GO, EVERY WORD IS DAD, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM WANTING EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM WORDS, HIS EVERYTHING IS NOW HIS DAD, ITS NOT LONGER HIS SIBILINGS, NO LONGER HIS MAMA, ITS HIS DAD. I DONT SAY ANYTHING, ITS NOT HURTING HIM SO I JUST LET HIM FALL INTO HIS DAD. I TURN AWAY AT THAT KNOWELDGE, CONTINUE TO BE THE SINGLE MOM CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR MY KIDS TO STAY CLOSE, HAVE THAT BOND, IF NOT WITH ME THEN WITH EACH OTHER. IT SEEMS ONLY 3 OF 4 ARE THIS. TAKING EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO HATE ANOTHER LIVING BEING. HES NOT HURTING MY SON BUT ITS WHATEVER AFTER THAT. I AM ANGRY. BUT I AM SAYING WHAT IS TRUE. WHAT IS REAL. WHAT I ALIVE TO AND FEELING. I AM TIRED OF BEING ALIVE. I WANT TO LIVE. TO BE LIVING................TO LOVE LIVING.......LIKE I LOVED THE THOUGHT. LIKE I LOVE THE THOUGHT FOR OTHERS LIVING. I AM NOT FOCUSED ON WHAT OR WHO OR WHOM IS HURTING ME. I JUST DONT WANT TO FAIL, I DONT FEAR FAILING. I JUST DONT WANT TO. I AM ANGRY. I AM MAD I AM MAD I AM ANGRY I AM MAD I AM ANGRY I AM MAD I AM ANGRY I AM MAD I AM ANGRY. I AM JUST BEYOND ANGRY. LOL ANGER AND FULLFILLMENT COMES FROM THE SAME PLACE LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY, I AM AVOIDING HAVING TO SWALLOW MY ANGER DOWN, MAKING SURE THAT IT DOES NOT COME UP FROM MY CHEST. THE ANGER IS LIKE A WAVE UP AND DOWN MY TORSO, TO THE FLOW OF MY THOUGHTS. I CAN FEEL IT SO WELL. IT WEIGHS HEAVILY IN MY CHEST. I CAN EASILY SAY IT WAS REPLACING A PRIOR FEELING THAT WAS THERE, ALSO HEAVY BUT NOT A DULL KIND OF HEAVY LIKE ANGER GIVES ME. BUT A LIGHTER HEAVY. THIS IS HOW I KNOW ITS A FULLFILLING FEELING RATHER THAN A WEIGHT. CANCEL OUT THE THOUGHTS, THE FEELINGS ARE STILL THERE. I GUESS THE QUESTION IS WHICH OF THE TWO OF THE SAME FEELING DO I WANT TO EMBRACE, IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. NEITHER OF THE FULLFILLMENT AM I ABLE TO REACH OUT TO RIGHT NOW. THE OTHER NON FULLFILLMENT OF THE FEELING, I KNOW I SHOULDNT LIFT MY HANDS TO. THE FULLFILLMENT STAYS TO THE SIDE OF WHERE MY HEART IS. THE OTHER ONE I CAN FEEL TO THE RIGHT OF MY CHEST. I AM NOT ANGRY ANYMORE, I STILL HAVE THE FEELING IN MY CHEST. AND THE KNOWLEDGE, MINUS THE RISE. THIS IS HOW I KNOW, I CANNOT RISE ANGRY. IF I DID, THE RISE WILL ONLY COME WITH WHAT I DONT WANT, WHICH IS FAILURE. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I AM AWARE OF PATIENCE & CONTROL. 

Author's Note

Sometimes it takes some one or something special to understand what does not make sense in the moment of anger. Didn't need to edit.