Mockery

Written for a past love.

You look down at the tiles
 poring over every crack--
flaws inherited by time

You speak of past and present in vagueness-es
stumbling over each word like a block in your head
--the block in your head
   After every utterance, you deserve naught but my
scorn and anger

"You wretched beast, casting your shimmering pools
upon me--tainted and shallow
            like your very paradigm

 I could liken you to a lowly worm
 or facsimile--but I would not wish such disgrace on them"

You meekly look up, cowardice permeating your glances
 "I'm not perfect. As the floor beneath my feet is wont
for perfection--ageless abandon and fervor... so am I.
What I lack, must you cling to? Can there be no recourse?"

  "O! Bate your tongue! Rescind your mockery
and cast your scaly eyes els'where! These words, words lack of words and substance.
Do you dare I listen?! Dare I agree?!
  A fool I would be to impart upon you such kindnesses!
Such forgiveness is beyond a man so desperately destroyed!"

   Your eyes sink back to the ground
where they forever belong

Reviews

[MaliKate]

I read this in a Scottish accent. I usually do tend to read period pieces in Scottish. Words flow wonderfully, nothing needs editing, and you really look like you are familiar with this dialect.

I think that I would personally replace the "on" with "upon" in the sentence "but I would not wish such disgrace on them"

But that's just me. It sounds fine as is in any case.

The very last two lined stanza hit me the hardest. I absolutely loved it.

[Scott Christian]

Your suggestion actually works quite well. It rolls off the tongue perfectly. Thank you!

[Laura]

Emotional. Hard hitting. Amazing. I'm a fan of your stuff and I'm definitely a fan of this. It's beautifully written and I love how it flows. There's a lot of emotion in this and I can feel it. It's a very vivid poem and it was a truly great read. Thank you for sharing it!

[Sharkapillar]

Jaw-droppingly beautiful. Very emotional, you conveyed it well. Your imagery is amazing. Well written!

~Rabbit

[heich]

i love reading this...

[Ruth]

I am stunned by this!
Truly amazing use of wording:)
An excellent portrayal of mockery, every detail left to render the reader feeling it!
Brilliantly done!
xx

[*]

Good poetry comes from emotion. You've got that covered in this one. Not sure about the words vagueness-es and els'where! You might be better off with vagueness and elsewhere. Other then that a powerful reflection on tainted love.

[Scott Christian]

I admit those two do look and read quite cheesy, but it felt right.

[FocusedAmnesia]

I agree with Kettie Leah, about the tone of the poem. It was a good read, flowed nicely. I love the last two lines.

[Alexanne Dauntless]

This gave me shivers.
"I could liken you to a lowly worm
or facsimile--but I would not wish such disgrace on them"

That's pretty powerful. And incredible. I like the overall tone to this. It spews emotion... deep, dark, and powerful.