Dancing Dream

An on-the-spot piece that delves into the inner-enigma of my mind. First piece I've posted on here.

     Fire. Sweet Flames! Take away my agony for a shining second,then they vanish in a moment.When all the dark surrounds me,my Angel and my flames save me by incinerating the demons of dark. An elegy of emptiness,a glistening jewel,conjuring and Dispeling my fears and pains,again and again with a single kiss and a simple flicker of the flames.Oh How they dance for me and praise their creator,their conjurer,their victim. A parasitic pleasure I feel as I for just a moment forget all worldly matters and focus on her divine lips and the soft tongue of flames.

 

     Indeed,I know I'm a loony,a lunatic,a freak of the mental kind,butit doesn't matter to me; Or Ab Chao ,after all,and the infernos in my head and my heart burn brightly. The scars on my body resemble my mind. I have no fear for my fuego;only aware-ness. Im no fool,I knownot to push it,bt perhaps my limits extend beyond the stars! Oh,how I dream of it! My heart soars high,yet my body's wings are clipped;My spirit walks free while it's container remains incarcerated for four more years,Maybe less. One can dream,right? Perhaps my Angel shall save me one last time...or maybe she'll save me again and again everyday like she has for a year and 20 days,even before then.

 

     Perhaps none of it matters to her how she saves me,just like my illustrious fire;perhaps she does it because she loves me,or maybe she doesn't realize how she does? And lo, how the fires within my heart rise to her melodious voice! Oh,how I miss it dearly! But,maybe fate might decide to betray me;maybe her love for me is timed,just ike the flames must be lest they conquer the earth with their purification.

 

     Whatever the cases may be, all I know it that now I have all I need walking beside me,a ring on her finger,and a vision of a new hope and new day that will rise for us.How adored in my imagination it is! May Fortune smile upon us,and may the truth be revealed. No matter the situation,with my fire and my Angel by my side,I will conquer my fears,and I shal conquer our Fate.

Author's Note

Please ignore any grammar errors I've made;I wrote this within an interval of 5 minutes;by all means,though,tell me what you think about this piece. How does it make you feel? What do you imagine or think of? Criticism is greatly apreciated!

Reviews

[Syldor]

The wording is certainly lovely. Obviosly there are a few grammar errors, but it's always hard to hunt all of those little buggers down. It has a wonderful flow, though there a few lines here and there that seem to obstruct it a bit. No doubt you have a talent.

[NinjaPi]

pretty good for a quick write. Its is very long to have taken so short. Thia is you know more prose then poetry but it is you who decides what to call it. The begining is smoonther than the end but it all has great imagery. If you put it into lines you may find it easier to write it smooth all the way out. also take you time in you telling. there is never a need to rush poetry. Write all you want for as long as you want and you will find this bit of rough diamond turn into the finest cut. I had no problem ignoring your spelling mistake. I make a lot myself as you can see.

[The Perfectionist]

If you don't want me to point out your long list of spelling and grammar problems, fair enough, but don't ask me to ignore them. I can't just ignore something that makes me enjoy the poem less.

If you hadn't just outright said you wrote this in five minutes, I would have asked how long you spent on it, because it just feels very jumbled. The writing is in a hurry to get somewhere and say something, and it trips over itself a fair bit. There's some interesting writing, to be sure, but for the most part it's buried underneath this hurried mess. Write it again, and take half an hour this time. You'll be amazed how much better it'll be.

[Hazel]

Nice poem :)

[Thus Said Broken]

flame purifies all, right?

good imagery, my only real complaint is the format. as is isn't really a pooem in traditional sense, more of a story. put it into stanzas and it'd be a sick poem. goo piece none the less.