2. Strangers - The Kinks

2. Strangers " The Kinks

June 11^th

“That’s interesting. Would you say that these events had an emotional impact on you?” observed my psychiatrist Dr. Regina State. Her black hair was up today which I thought was odd as whenever I had seen her she always made it a point that I know how much she hated having her hair up out of her face. Which I thought was stupid because she was a very beautiful and confident woman. Dr. State had a scar on her left leg that you could see whenever she wore skirts or dresses that started at her calf and would disappear, stopping somewhere up her body. I always wanted to know how she got that scar and where it ended.

“Well I don’t know being as it happened 2 days ago, haven’t had a chance to really process it.” I said trying not to sound like an a*s but in turn did anyway

 I had been seeing Dr. State for a little over a month and she was becoming the only person I ever felt comfortable talking with about my serious thoughts or feelings. I felt the people I knew would judge me or take pity on me or wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings if we conversed about serious subjects. I wanted to talk about the afterlife, death, if god exists even if I felt he didn’t, my insecurities, serial killers, 90’s rock music, Truman Capote, Night Snow at Kambara, Lauren Bacall, and who is John Galt?

 “Let’s talk about your dreams, can you remember your most recent dream?” she said
“Alright, Let’s see”

I tried recalling my dream from the previous night

I trembled " “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I can’t”

A knock was at the door. A heavy set bearded man in a lab coat who I had seen many times before was standing behind the door. I didn’t know his name but I swear I had met him before
“Oh that’s OK. How about this?” she sang writing on her clipboard and pulling out CD case from a nightstand type thing that was next to her chair
“I’ve got to go outside for a second and talk with someone. How about you listen to this and just think and try and remember as much as you can?”
“Alright” I said happily although I knew it would be difficult as my dreams had become more distant from me than ever before

 Dr. State got up and walked over to her bookshelf. She powered up the stereo, turning around to look at me. She smiled and I smiled back as Paul McCartney & Wings “Band on the Run” suddenly filled the room. She left and I was left to try and remember my dream.

 

2.1

 By the time Dr. State had come back into the room the sounds had shifted from Paul McCartney to something I had never heard before.

“So anything yet?” she settled sitting down, the entrancing song fading out
“Um- No. I couldn’t get anything. I was really into that last song that was playing. Who was that?” I asked eagerly

She sighed and suddenly looked very sad jotting more notes on her clipboard. I had seen her do this often in our sessions I would ask a question or she would and then I would answer and then the aforementioned response. It always confused me.

“I’ll check” Dr. State said getting out of her chair once more and walking over to the stereo as the next song began

“I’m not really sure. My husband would know. This is his CD” she laughed and sat back down looking at the clock
“I didn’t know you were married”
“I don’t really like talking about it”

Now the silence would have been awkward in its own right but what I had on my mind wasn’t helping things.

I held a baby once. It felt like a bag of hot snakes.

“So we still have some time left, is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” she spoke with her brown eyes batting at me

2.2 Princess Chelsea " The Cigarette Duet

 She tasted like smoke. Her mouth eradiating this horribly wonderful stench that reminded me of my grandmothers apartment. I never knew Francis smoked. I guess she hid it from me because she felt like I would think less of her if I found out or that I would resent her for doing something I did not want to do myself.

 Our tongue’s danced battling for position on top of one another as sun started to shine through the windows of Royal Crest Lanes lighting my skin with a warmth from the 7 am sun I had not felt in many years.

Now being as this was the first time I had ever kissed a girl, I doubt that what I have just told you actually happened. I probably did nothing with my mouth/lips and my tongue stayed coiled in the back of my throat afraid to venture out.

I know this is what happened, so I lie

I want to tell her more lies. I have no idea as to why this is. Why would she care? If I had said that after I kissed Francis I had sex with her right there, would that make me seem cool to her? Would I impress her? Of course not, why would she be impressed by me acting like my first ever (imaginary) sexual encounter was some sort of conquest and that it wouldn’t be awkward and I wouldn’t know what to do with my hands.

I am ready to start spilling these lies out. They make me feel good for some reason. But then I look up at the clock and see that our hour is up. The hour I had very much looked forward to was coming to a close. Dr. State confirms this by checking her watch

 “Well. I guess that would be our hour” she says ushering me out of my chair and to the door
“Same time next week?”