Pause, Stop, Rewind...

 

Sitting in a corner
alone in the world
no where to turn
the fire begins to burn

Screaming in a bedroom
Two guys at my side
Bruises on my body
The want to merely die
 

 

Struggling in a basement
Three men glance around
money is due
paid, man leaves on queue

Unconscious in a car trunk
Two guys take a ride
knowing what will happen
positive i will die

Sleeping in a bedroom
alone in the world
movement in the shadows
World becomes a blur...
 

Reviews

[Jules]

Excellent! The title fits so well with the end!! And the poem is intense AND suspenseful!! Dark and scary!!
The stanzas are well written, I like the fact that there's no punctuation (except at the end...)
Its simple language, but that just makes it so much more eary and perfect!! Makes me think of Wiliam Blake's "The Garden of Love"...
And the emotions!! They really come through!! Well written!!!!

[These Haunted Hallways]

Woh, this was a shocking write. Unfortunately, we live in a very crazy and hateful world. And it's unfortunate that things like this do happen, and it's very scary and mad. It would be nice to live in a world where there is peace for a change. Great job with this. Intense writing!

B.A.

[Angelic Darkness]

Don't we all wish we could pause, stop, rewind life.

This poem is tragic...speaks of loneliness, maybe, of never feeling
like one gets the attention we need. There is such depth here.
You bring your words to life so we may see into your eyes. AD

[Annalisa]

It's a hard thing to write about, rape and abuse. I find that often writers either are in support of it and have written a rape poem, or they are completely against it and the poem comes out as angry or belligerent. What I like about this poem is that you didn't do either of those things. Your poem is like a snapshot of different nightmares, simple recording what happens but not commenting. Leaving a feeling of dirtiness, oppressive pain and sadness.

Instead of simply talking about it rape or abuse you gave the reader a safe way to feel it. While we only feel a fraction of what people who have been unfortunate enough to go through this it does make the reader sympathetic... Sorry, I'm rambling. In short this is brilliant.

There were a few lines that was a bit awkward and they are below, if I could think of a way to smooth it out then the suggestion is there but the changes are small. They're mainly stylistic preferences so probably just going to be food for thought. (btw, this is going in my favorites. Great work)

The want to merely die------to-----> The desire to die
Not sure why but the word merely seems to take away from the strength of the emotion. I get that you tried to make it seem as though she has no other hope but death but I don't think merely is helping you here.

money is due/ paid, man leaves on queue--------to-------> money is die. Paid,/ the man leaves on queue"
moving paid up a line simply maintains the flow of the rest of the poem when being read.

World becomes a blur...-------to------> The world becomes to blur, OR which I prefer more simply The World blurs
Normally I am fine with leaving out articles but when i read this I felt like you really do need "the world"... give it more impact.