Pause, Stop, Rewind...

 

Sitting in a corner
alone in the world
no where to turn
the fire begins to burn

Screaming in a bedroom
Two guys at my side
Bruises on my body
The want to merely die
 

 

Struggling in a basement
Three men glance around
money is due
paid, man leaves on queue

Unconscious in a car trunk
Two guys take a ride
knowing what will happen
positive i will die

Sleeping in a bedroom
alone in the world
movement in the shadows
World becomes a blur...
 

Reviews

[Jules]

Excellent! The title fits so well with the end!! And the poem is intense AND suspenseful!! Dark and scary!!
The stanzas are well written, I like the fact that there's no punctuation (except at the end...)
Its simple language, but that just makes it so much more eary and perfect!! Makes me think of Wiliam Blake's "The Garden of Love"...
And the emotions!! They really come through!! Well written!!!!

[luvingu01]

you are a little artchitect with your words. the imagery is powerful almost in a movie and I can see it happening as I read before my eyes.

[Moflo]

This piece dares you to dig deeper into it. I like that aspect, its very surreal and very intense. Nice descriptions, good work.

[Distant horizons]

Great flow to this. again, great job.
ps, i know my comments aren't much, but they are meant.

[Chris]

Tenement porch steps at 3 AM...and "empty" eyes that got filled somehow. and its never tomorrow - only yesterday...

[Enigma]

That was intense, scary and amazing, all at once. It sounds like a four line story of a few unfortunate girls who had to go through such abuses in their life. The fact that they are from the very eye of them makes it more creepy. In the end, the reader is left with sympathy for the girls and the anger for those who caused them so much pain.
Overall, very well written... Loved it! :)
(If u're reading this on/after 1st Jan 2010 then HAPPY NEW YEAR! ) :D

[Sean M. Addams]

i like the suspense of this piece and the imagery in this is well done ... overall nice job on this one

[A Lost Man Found]

I would sincerely like to know whether this is just a story. Although it is very well written I sense a lot of confused and pent up emotions here. You are masochistic,aren't you? If so, welcome to the club.

[♡Moon Child♡..]

That was...wow...intense, emotional...highly...enjoyable? I don't know if that would be the word, but that's what came to mind! Check out my stuff please!
~Happy Writing!~
Angel

[An owl on the moon]

Your words capture such horror, such isolation, such loss... You vividly speak a world of emptiness into our existence... So many years was I suicidal, and this was my world... Powerful!

[just is]

This is awesome and very suspenseful, I enjoyed this read
You are very creative and poetic