[untitled]

 

Kiss my eyes

When I slowly die

So I can realize

That I couldn't survive

Author's Note

What do you guys think?? Any title suggestions?? (please give me more than a good job)

Reviews

[[untitled]]

"The Slow Kiss of Release"
Maybe? I don't know. :)
Its a powerfully romantic poem with a dark and fatal twist. The vision of someone near death hanging on to the lie that they might survive, only to be released by the kiss of their lover on their closed eyes.
An interesting idea.

Another creative explosion! Nice Lines!

Ash

[Kat_BT]

oooh
For some reason it reminds me of Twilight...
Or maybe I'm just slightly obsessed =P

I like it. I can really picture someone finally fading away, with their lover cradeling them-- kinda like a romeo and juliet scene before romeo dies and juliet is asleep, or like sleeping beauty.

Ideas for titles: "Fading Kiss Goodbye" or something; "Last Lesson in Love";

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This is beautiful.
It is soaked in so much emotion.
This poem told me a story about two lovers. Maybe both on the verge of death or one fearing the lost of the other. The character realizes that in the end, if he/she were to survive, they wouldn't be able to survive at all because of the lost of their loved one. When he/she was kissed, it all became clear.

[Tenten]

smack beat and stab. pretty but painful, i do like the shortness bu always with the rhyme scheme lol. sweetly done though bou-chan.

[Annalisa]

Short sweet and....lovely. I can't think of any other adjective than lovely that fits quite as nicely so lovely it is. I felt like there were some tense issues, the lines "When I slowly die" and "That I couldn't survive" bothered me.... not because they weren't in agreement but because I felt like the first one should have been "While I slowly die" which then would make the second line off..... but that's a personal thing. That aside I loved this. I'm steeling it for my favorites.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A kiss from death itself. A wonderul piece and very creative. It could mean that death itself is a beautiful kiss into the next realm.

[Seriana]

Ouch. This is painful, but beautiful. So many things I get from this really. But the thing I think of most is almost an eternal promise of sorts. The kiss. It gives that somehow, knowing she couldn't survive, she asks for that last wish, as a promise to sustain her in death. For a title? Hum...The Gift? Fade Away? Remedy? Caress of Death? I'm not good at these, LOL

[An owl on the moon]

This soft kiss of death is tender and dark... Deep message! Titles? Death's kiss? ... Dying eyes? ... Slowly?

[Angelic Darkness]

Your words at the end, so I couldn't survive...hmmm...sounds
like a love gone bad, a broken heart maybe. I actually think
this poem is fine the way it is. Just those simple stanzas
are powerful, and to the point. AD

[These Haunted Hallways]

My immediate reaction when i read this was...OUCH!! Yea, it is a very painful write. Short, beautiful, yet painful. Hmm... Idk, I would maybe go with "Acceptance Of Fate" as a title, maybe, idk hehe ;) Love ur words here :)

B.A.

[Every1s_psychotic_vampy..]

Not to sure about a title but I do like it. =] Sry I couldnt helpz