Take A Bite (Rewrite)

This is alot better than my other one... I took off the other one and decided that this is better.... Hope you guys like this one better

 

Bite my neck it's waiting

Yearning for your kiss...

The kiss of Life

You'll bring me

Please I saw you lick your lips

 

My skin is soft and tasty

Binds are nice and tight

Please won't you take

One life giving bite

I will not struggle I promise

For this is my only want

 

I will do what you ask of me

You'll soon see my submissive side

Please oh please

Consider me to be your vampire bride

 

Don't you want to kiss me?

I'll stretch my neck out just right

I am your wounded animal

Let me be your prey

Binds are nice and tight

So please just take one succulent bite...

Reviews

[Kat_BT]

nice job! It kind of reminds me of Bella in Twilight, how she really wants Edward to turn her into the vampire, and change her life. She's willing to put up with the unbelievable amount of pain to be able to spend forever with Edward. I love Stephanie Meyer's books. You could say I'm a little obseessed.

Your piece is really good, and though I don't quite understand it, It creates a very strong image and sense.
Thanks for sharing :)

[brita]

I agree with Kat_BT below me.
This poem really did remind me of one of Stephanie Meyer's books. You had great imagery. I enjoyed the line that said: "Binds are nice and tight." This ones quite edgy and in a good way. I liked, also, how you reffered to that "One life giving bite." It's odd how somebody would actually want to get bitten by a vampire but even then it just makes the story more romantic. I for one am a vampire fanatic and LOVE exploring different stories to tell what they're like.
Nice job.

[Flow]

So willing and giving of you that makes the poem so much more enjoyable. tempting one to take a bite. I have always enjoyed your writtings on vampires and think you did a great job on this one!

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

Great imagery.

[An owl on the moon]

Deeply moving, playful and dark and wonderful! Loved each line (and loved your coloring and lettering). Just brilliant!!!!!!!

[Lindsay.]

Wonderful, truely wonderful.

I loved this poem. =)

[Legion]

Makes me hungry. :) I like it. The formatting and font was a nice touch as well. Passionately perfect.