Take A Bite (Rewrite)

This is alot better than my other one... I took off the other one and decided that this is better.... Hope you guys like this one better

 

Bite my neck it's waiting

Yearning for your kiss...

The kiss of Life

You'll bring me

Please I saw you lick your lips

 

My skin is soft and tasty

Binds are nice and tight

Please won't you take

One life giving bite

I will not struggle I promise

For this is my only want

 

I will do what you ask of me

You'll soon see my submissive side

Please oh please

Consider me to be your vampire bride

 

Don't you want to kiss me?

I'll stretch my neck out just right

I am your wounded animal

Let me be your prey

Binds are nice and tight

So please just take one succulent bite...

Reviews

[Kat_BT]

nice job! It kind of reminds me of Bella in Twilight, how she really wants Edward to turn her into the vampire, and change her life. She's willing to put up with the unbelievable amount of pain to be able to spend forever with Edward. I love Stephanie Meyer's books. You could say I'm a little obseessed.

Your piece is really good, and though I don't quite understand it, It creates a very strong image and sense.
Thanks for sharing :)

[Nocturnal Huntress]

The more I read, the more I like what I'm seeing.

With the last few lines of "Take a Bite", I am reminded of the beauty of a mortal yearning to know eternity. I was of the mindset that traditional vampire ways are boring, but you're slowly forcing me to think otherwise.

[Moonblade]

I told myself I wasn't going to review every poem, but you make it so difficult. This was fantastic, very well written.

[These Haunted Hallways]

Again, very hot and erotic, with a bit of seductiveness and submissiveness to it. Tender, juicy hehe. Awesome ;)

B.A.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Nicely done, I thought the font was a little difficult to read, but it suits the poem being as its a vampire poem. Wonderfully written. Great Write.

[chris' girlfriend]

wo great poem!!!!
vampires are awesome ^_^

[a Messenger]

Brilliantly conceived and expressed.
I loved it.

[Jared Kardos]

I like--very gothic and romantic, reminds me of Rice in both vampirism and kink. Good job. :)

[Annalisa]

I liked the idea, but the flow was off. I found it a bit distracting how it felt like it stopped and started throughout the piece... But then again I'm a flow nazi and most people don't seem to mind it.

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Mmm.....oh, I love this. This is an awesome write, fabulous job!!!

Heather

[Trista]

I loved this.
I was deffenitley thinking of Bella and Edward.
Although I can see the personal side of this as well.
=]