Tinks

Whilst Ash is away fighting at war Cassie convinces herself he has been killed in action.

"So... what exactly happened that day Ash?" The nurse studied his face carefully mentally noting down his every slight movement. "You don't have to rush, take your time, but we feel it would be best if you opened up about it."
Ash continued to gaze at the white ceiling but a smile crept across his lips. The curved red line had a slightly haunted appearance and that same look filled his dark eyes too. "you want to know about Cassie?" His body winced slightly at the sound of her name but simltaniously his smile widened. "She wants to know about you Tink" he looked at her and laughed. "Tinkabell" he whispered to himself "My Tinkabell".
"Tinkabell?" The nurse questioned.
"Yes, my Tinkabell"
"You love her very much?"
"I do, I really do" Ash turned and took Cassie's hand "she's beautiful...just look at her, she's beautiful!"
The nurse smiled nervously at him and nodded. She reached for her pen and scribbled down more notes. Ash hated notes, they were always taking notes, he never got to see them but he knew they were about him, he wasn't stupid.

The nurse put down her pen and studied Him intently "would it be ok to start talking about that day Ash? I'd really like it if you could tell me."
Ash gripped Cassie's hand tighter, not noticing his whitening knuckles. "That was a special day you know, I gave her my ring" he paused for a second and felt the shape of it on Cassie's tiny hand. "I worked through the summer to save up for it and then finally.." He scrunched up his face with thought "...that Tuesday, yes Tuesday, it was definitely a Tuesday...I bought it."
"You were going to propose?"
"Yes"
"What happened then?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise, so I didn't tell her, not one word. She thought I was still away with the army, she didn't know I was allowed to come home for a break, she thought it was the next week"
"How long had you been in the army?"
Ash muttered numbers under his breath and furrowed his brows "I joined when I was eighteen...then I left when I was twenty one"
"Did Cassie like you being in the army?"
"You know you could ask her? I don't understand why you ask me all these questions but never Cassie?"
"Ash, please just answer the question"
Ash sighed, still confused. "She missed me, she always told me that. She was scared something bad would happen to me, she didn't really like it." He started to mutter again "why do they keep asking me all these questions about Tinks, why can't they ask her? Stupid people, stupid stupid people..."
"Ash?"
Ash continued to mutter.
"Ash?" The nurse repeated.
He looked up at her.
"Why do you call Cassie that?"
Ash thought it was a strange question but he answered anyway. "Tinks, like Tinkabell from Peter Pan"
"Yes, I know, but why?"
"She's my little fairy, every moment I spent with her was magical. You know I saw her fly that night, she really did fly, I saw it with my own eyes."
The nurse fidgeted awkwardly and looked down at the floor, contemplating what she should say next.
Ash's gaze fell to about a foot off the ground and remained transfixed on that empty spot. A dark strand of hair flopped over his eye but that didn't bother him. "I remember that day well" Ash began "I remember I rung the doorbell to surprise her but nobody answered so I got out my key and put it in the lock. I thought she might be sleeping so I was very quiet, I wouldn't want to wake her, I didn't mind waiting. I went to her bedroom door and peeked around it, although It was dark because the curtains were closed I could still see her. She was wearing the dress I bought her for her 18th birthday. The green sparkly one that swooshed around her ankles." Ash reached out into the air as if to touch the material, running his finger tips along imaginary folds. "Her feet were just poking out the end, swinging slightly but not touching the ground. I stood there for a minute and watched her. She just looked so beautiful and peaceful and like a real fairy. I couldn't see her face, she had her back to me but I knew she would look perfect."
The nurse swallowed the lump in her throat and forced out what she needed to say. "She'd killed herself..."
Ash's head snapped up "no! I took her hand and she took mine and we stepped out into the blue sky and we flew away and we got married and it was perfect and she's here right now, look!" The words tumbled out of his mouth in a desperate flurry of tears. "Look, just look you stupid woman, Cassie's right here!" He screamed. Tears were tumbling down his face as he thrust his hands at the nurse, jabbing his finger at the space beside him.
"Ash, you need to accept she's gone. Cassie's gone. She's been gone a long time now." The nurse tried to wrap her arm around the flailing man but he only began to cry louder. "No!" Ash choked the words through furious sobs as his chest rose and fell in frantic gasping patterns. "She's not gone. She can't be"
"I know this is hard for you but it's been ten years now, it's time for you to move on." The nurse spoke the words softly, trying to sooth him.
"B-but it was only last week, I'm sure it was only last week?"
"No ash, you were 21 the day it happened, you're 31 now, almost 32"
Ash stared down at his lap trying to shut out the screams in his head, but the voices wouldn't silence. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears, curling up into a fragile ball on the floor. Beginning to rock slowly back and forth He held on to his body as his mind crumbled. Everything Ash thought he knew no longer existed but he just couldn't believe it. Then he saw Cassie. He saw her green dress and her tiny feet floating above the floor, but what he also saw was the rope: the scars: the note.
Ash froze and his eyes snapped open "shut up, just shut up! Stop telling me its true when it can't be! Just get out of my head, please, please.." He started clawing at his hair, grabbing great hunks and trying to rip them out as if he could destroy the memory through this crazed attack.
"Ash please stop, you're hurting yourself" the nurse tried restraining him herself but Ash continued to thrust his balled fists at his body screaming a mixture of fear and anger.
Ash heard her call for someone but he didn't stop. He started to whack his head furiously against the filing cabinet beside him. "No. No. No" the force of the impact began to blur his vision and as two stocky men forced his arms against his side his eyes fell to his wrists. That was when he saw the scars; ribbons of scarlet to white singed into his own pale arms. That was when the days spent sitting beside Cassie holding her hand in silence flashed across his mind. Then the words her note spoke that he read over and over until they became his very existence. That was when the police burst through the door. The hospital visits came after that: counselling sessions: medication: the cuts that let the pain seep away. Then finally came now. Someone took his hand, he knew who it was as soon as the delicate fingers wrapped round his own paws. Ash looked up at the girl who stood before him. She was still 20, wearing the same green dress, with the same gentle smile. Cassie bent down and kissed the man softly on the forehead, then traced her lips along each and every scar. "I'm sorry" she whispered as her palm slipped away from his "i'm so so sorry." Ash stared after her "Goodbye Tinks" the words trembled in his throat but that was his goodbye. After ten years he had finally summoned up he courage to let his fairy fly free.