Trying To Kill Loneliness And Failing By Way Of Tears Falling Freely Down My Face

jess brown

I sit here my white wings outstretched my head hanging low fighting an onslaught of tears.

Minor tidbits of sweat on my body here and there from some outside interference.

Thinking of what my crush said and how it upset me so that I wanna cry.

What kept me going from day one for four years is now slowly fading away like the embers of a campfire.

I dwell upon burning all the poems and stories I wrote about you.

Thoughts of taking a blade across my sensitive flesh and ending my miserable existence.

Your words are like a jagged piece of glass through my heart twisted left and right killing my reason to go on.

"You just give up on your crush cause it’s never gonna happen" poison running through my mind and heart.

Tearing my sanity to putrid s**t.

God I worked out everyday for you to impress you.

I wrote poetry for you to show my affection for you.

Heh your smile always made me happy.

The tears are sitting there waiting to fall freely yet it’s so hard to prevent it.

Just waiting for the right word or phrase pulling the trigger of sadness letting tear after fall away.

My words of desire for you are echoes in the hollow graveyard of my soul.

My wings fluttering lightly as I shudder away a sob.

I pluck one and looking at it thinking of it charged with Phoenix passion pink in color touch your skin and instantly you’d know how much I love you and want you.

But the want isn’t a sexual want it’s the feeling of being with you that’s what it is.

Every song I listen to has you in it just about and I put them into a poem or story.

From H.I.M. to Boyz 2 Men they’ve inspired me to pour my feelings for you onto paper and Allpoetry.

Opening and closing my cd player shaking my head trying to push my sadness away and yet it fights twice as hard to get out.

Take a look past the Cemetery Gates and you’ll see a statue of me wings folded down water falling from underneath my eyes my arms folded over my chest holding a moon rose which is wilting away as the water flows.

I just wanted sixty seconds from you but now I see that foolish request was but a dream.

One tear from my right eye falls down my cheek and onto my undershirt and now I know I have said enough.