The Age Of Now

during my insanity phase

Look at me so down and beaten.

Struggling on towards nothing.

Lost my way no compass to guide me.

Last fight I gave in.

Taking the coward’s way out via cold steel as cool tears ran down my face from defeat.

I can’t do it anymore.

Lost my flair.

Lost my edge.

Lost who I once was.

Who am I?

Memories of women come to me.

Am I supposed to know who they are?

One sticks out as she laughs with her giant maul while I carve my virgin flesh apart.

Another with hair the color of mud with another that looks the same but different in a way.

Who are they?

Are they sisters?

Lovers?

A woman who makes my heart feel tight and sad but warm and loved at the same time.

Is she my lover?

My former flame?

Or perhaps she died?

Why is so bright and soft when I look upon her?

Is she an angel?

I do not know.

Maybe I’m insane.

No I’d have to be drooling and talking to myself.

Random voices running through my head of different people.

"Don’t do this"

"Back off"

"Immortal what have you done?"

And I think to myself "Who is Immortal?"

I do not know him.

A woman wearing a white cotton sweater puts a necklace around my neck then kisses my cheek.

"Who is she?"

"My lover?"

"Or a nurse feeling sorry for me?"

I want to push her away and tell her "Stop it do not touch me" but my voice has left me.

My arms feel heavy looking down I see nothing holding them down so I try to move them and nothing happens.

The doctors paralyzed me!

They used a drug on me!

Without my permission!

I have been violated!

Then my eyes look to the woman who should belong in a centerfold magazine because she is beautiful and erotically alluring.

"Heh I am a prisoner of my own mind" I say in my mind since my voice ceases to work.

The woman scratches her raven dark hair ponytail and smiles at me holding my hand.

"She must be my sister if she cares to hold my hand or maybe she is my mother or aunt?"

I do not know.

She then leaves and a man stops her and they talk.

"Is he gonna be any better?"

"I don’t know ma’am he’s in a catatonic state hard to tell"

What is catatonic?

A cat in tonic?

That sounds so strange as I shake my head inside my mind and walk on.

"I hear you buddy boy" a dark voice says.

I stop in my tracks and look around then continuing on a diseased looking man with ghost white hair down to his shoulders with yellow teeth and crazed eyes wearing all black stands in front of me.

"Who are you?"

"You don’t remember me do you?"

"No should I?" I ask tilting my head then the man leans down and knocks on my head laughing like a cartoon character that I know.

"It’s me your alter ego Thaxter Jones"

"Huh? What’s an alter ego?"

"Jesus christ he’s killing me babe come here and help him out!"

Then a woman walks out wearing the same attire all denim and a white shirt who looks like the bright woman smiles.

So I run up to her and hug her tightly from some internal instinct.

But she pushes me away from her.

"Eww don’t touch me freak" She says in a cold tone.

"Why not? Aren’t you the bright woman I saw?"

"In a way except I am the dark side of her"

"So you two are the dark side of me?"

"There ya go kiddo you got it now you got to go"

"As in die" the woman said

"Why what did I do?"

"Hmmmmm let’s see only one of us can be the one" Thaxter said laughing crazily.

"You and that goddamn Joker laugh it’s getting old"

"Oh shut up or I’ll rape you again"

"Nah already been raped by you like ten times today"

"That’s a bad thing to do a women" I say but my voice is different and I cover my mouth in shock.

"What did you say little man?" he said approaching me.

"Nothing"

"I’d step off Thaxter he might actually hurt you" she chuckled.

"Shut up b***h! I think I’ll rape him instead" he said laughing then he was cut short because a man in flame pants tackled him and kicked him off shaking his shoulders.

"F*****g Eddie" then Thaxter and the woman disappeared.

The man in pants no not pants tights brought tears to my eyes.

"You okay Esse?" he asked in a strange voice.

"Yea your name is Eddie?" I asked crying for no apparent reason.

"Yea that’s my name Eddie Guerrero" and Eddie took me into his arms and rubbed my back.

"Why am I crying from seeing you?"

"Because I died and that affected you so much"

"Oh no" I shook crying still.

"Do you know who you are?"

"Nope I haven’t a clue"

"Well I can tell you this I am a good guy and I won’t hurt you"

"That’s good to know" I said looking up and smiling slightly tears running.

"Why did you die?"

"Heart failure from what I could hear"

"So are you trapped inside of me?"

"No no I am part of your imagination"

"What is that?"

"It’s a place where you make things up and they seem real and feel real"

"Oh ok" so I poked his nose and he said "Hey now!" then laughed.

"Well now I must go"

"No don’t go"

"Gotta music’s playing for you two"

"What music Eddie Guerrero? I don’t hear any music" I said crying as he faded from my hug.

Then I heard soft music playing and the phrase "One Last Time"

"What is one last time?"

"I don’t know what that means"

Then the bright woman’s face came to my mind and tow letters came out of my mouth:

AJ.

"Well that’s my initials tiger" a woman’s voice said behind me.

Turning around I saw the bright woman smiling sweetly as she walked then ran up to me and pulled me to her tightly.

More remorse poured out of me as I embraced this woman.

"Who are you?"

"Well I’m not real but when you die I’ll be real to you I’m only here because you know I care about you"

"Why do I cry for you?"

"Because I am so far away from you and it hurts you so much that you can’t touch me from such a distance"

"What does AJ stand for?"

"Amy Jacobs"

And I felt more tears run freely and Amy just smiled sweetly and caressed my cheeks kissing me deeply then she vanished with soft warm laughter.

Then I looked to the people who have now returned and down at the carving in my arm and remember who I am.

"Who are you?" a small voice asks somewhere in my head.

"I am Immortal Beloved"

"Who is he?"

"Fierce"

"Defiant"

"Controversial"

"A DX Misfit"

"A lover and a fighter"

"He is me"