Heavenly Suffering

Nothing Else seemed to Matter when we were together.

I wished I had been there when you needed me to be.

For all those times I promised to be on the next day and I wasn’t I am truly sorry that I didn’t get on.

I am sorry that I wasn’t there when you were beaten.

I am sorry that I wasn’t there when you were raped excessively.

I am sorry that I wasn’t there because my msn didn’t show you online when you were.

But I am glad you found Tuyen at least he helped when you lost the baby.

Yes he told me what happened that night.

And he loves you as much as I do and more he even said he feels comfortable enough to live with you.

Me: s**t I can’t compete with that all I did was be there when your dad beat you.

When you were with the wrong crowd.

When I got you to stop cutting and then I find out from him that you started again baby don’t you know that brings me to my knees in tears?

I was gonna use your full msn name on my old msn account but I don’t remember the whole thing so I used your old ap name.

And the funny thing is Tuyen is the opposite of me in different ways but we’re the same identical twins.

I may have eight other girls including you to choose from but I love all of you equally.

But it’s you I poke in the shoulder and smack upside the head when you I try to help you out.

It’s you I push to get out of the ruts you find yourself in.

It’s you I should’ve stayed with during my crusade but everything was a big long a*s roller coaster.

And I look back on the days we talked and remember your face the one that makes me cry and which I used to kiss before I went to bed.

The one where you look away pain on your face but I didn’t pay attention to it then and I regret that because I figured that if I said enough to you you’d feel better and I guess it wasn’t enough.

I remember the day you told me you were coming to the US and I thought upon what we would do if we met but that dream blows away like a fine cloud of cigarette smoke.

He also told me you wanted your baby and I cried cause I know how that feels everyday I want a baby cause that is the one thing that would save my life.

And here you are: a baby in the oven and you’re prick boyfriend beats you for having it killing it and I am deeply truly sorry that you lost that which was precious to you.

The dream we shared shattered by angered violent cowardice.

My love these days is like a firecracker it’s there then BANG gone.

My love for you is like a H.I.M. concert: gothic angel eternal.

Even though I cannot fully love because that part of me is saved for my true love when I’m gone.

I guess what I am saying is that I’m not playing for keeps well kinda but I don’t know.

I’m not playing favorites.

I leave the choice of who you want to be with up to you.

Yours Truly

Immortal

Beloved.