Unrequited

jess brown

I just read X-Men: Phoenix- Endsong and cried towards the end cause Jean Grey once again sacrificed herself to save the world.

Now that is the first time I have ever cried at a comic book and it made me think of different people that matter to me in my life.

Now I sit here crying tears running freely down my cheeks and thinking of my obsession: Jessica Brown.

I hate having all this Phoenix passion for you and wasting here and there and bottling up the rest of it waiting for the day I can pop the cork and hope you’ll take it.

And random s**t runs through my mind.

Would you sacrifice yourself for me like Elektra did for Daredevil?

I wish for this Phoenix passion to die away but I know that it won’t no matter how much I hose it down with these tears I built from my tears.

Gunshots, knife stabs, torture, poisoning could kill me physically but never kill my spirit I would fight through just to have those sixty seconds with you then die knowing I got my dream fulfilled.

I just can’t get rid of you no matter how hard I try and believe me I try I think of killing myself but I can’t because of my stories that I wanna finish and seeing you smile and hearing you laugh.

My saving grace the one thing I could never do without is seeing those innocent fawn eyes of yours.

What would I be without you? Hollow plain and simple hollow.

I’m a gothic soul boy with Phoenix passion for you with long wings of passion pink to encompass you with.

I hate it when I find a great movie to watch and end up in tears at the end of it.

My love for you and my hatred of myself has driven me to lose my weight not just for me but to impress you.

So much I want to do with you god if I had a feather from one of my wings I would trace every contour of your body letting you feel the Phoenix electricity that courses through my blood.

You are the Aids torturing me when I’m at my weakest.

You are the ultimate disease for which there is no cure and I love that.

You are my fireplace of inspiration that burns in my heart so hot it hurts.

You are the water that I drink of everyday of my sad life.

You are the I V that keeps my alive while I lie in a coma of your blissful serenity.

You are the shock paddles giving my heart the much jumpstart.

You breathe in my mouth and chest compressions give me a reason to live.

No matter how many words I scribble on a pad or type up only one phrase sums it up: these words I love you I love you.

Would you die over and over again and torturing my heart like Jean Grey did to Scott Summers?

If I could I would fly you to Antarctica and propose to you under the Northern Lights.

If I think about you I think about love.

I am shadow dark and scary you are light pure and bright.

My heart is so fragile that any simple downcast would send me into oblivion.

Lots of snow gives me winter dreams of cuddling by the warmth of the fire drinking hot chocolate.

Frozen lakes for you to skate on while I watch in awe from the bank.

Sensual fireplace nights full of Phoenix passion.

I wish I could hold you now.

I wish I could touch you now.

I wanna cry sometimes cause the pain in my heart aches for your compassion.

I have no money.

I have no job.

I have no pride.

But I can promise to love you for the rest of my time on this soil.

I watched March Of The Penguins and cried at the two penguins in love wishing that it was me and you.

You are the missing piece of my unique puzzle.

I would drop to my knees and beg for you to be mine but my knees refuse to obey me but I would that’s how much I love you.

I hate the fact that I can’t see you with my own eyes because then you would became blurred and I would have to resort to my corrected vision to bask in your beauty.

I saw you the other day and it was only for a brief instance but now your gone from me again.

If I could make it so that you were here right now I would tell everything and how much you drive me bonkers.

You are the strait jacket that I could never take off I would drive myself insane just to keep you on me.

If I die tomorrow would you shed a tear?

If I die tomorrow would you visit my grave?

If I die tomorrow would you join me?

I got nothing to lose except my Phoenix passion for you.

If you were a forest I would enjoy getting lost in you for days on end.

No one has ever made me feel like this not since the first time I laid eyes on you four years ago.

You are the cheerleader pushing me to score the touchdown to win the game of the year.

You are the adrenaline in my veins pushing me to the limits when I workout and then some.

But the thing I miss most is giving you a rose or six on Valentine’s Day when I was in school.

I am Mr. Lonely I have nobody for my own and I’m so lonely.

I have nobody to call my own the only thing I want to make me complete is you being the future mother to my children, could you do that for me?