On Point

I just got done watching Behind The Music: Pantera and thought of how Dimebag's death.

"What if I died tomorrow would I be remembered?"

"How many people would show up?" probably round a hundred.

I've made friends and I've made enemies so what?

If I die I wanna be remembered for doing something great like making someone laugh or bringing two people together again.

But I'll never do that except for making someone laugh or make them feel better.

When I die I won't have a grieving girlfriend to stand by my gravestone begging for me to come back that's what I want most.

But onto the aspect of this piece.

I don't want to be remembered as Heavy D from my school years god I hate that f*****g name.

Ya see I wanna go out guns blazin fists flying down to my last breath not die in peace in my bed.

But I can't fight cept verbally of course.

I just don't know I'm thinking of the words to say but they won't come out correctly.

I wanna get that unexcepted kiss from the nerdy girl who has that secret crush.

To hear my parents or someone who loves me so much to say "I'm proud of what you've done"

but s**t'll never happen.

There will be people at my funeral whom I will despise and ones that I would be glad that came.

If I could kill myself with my belt or a steak knife I would but then I stop and think.

"Who would finish my stories?"

"Would I ever find love again?"

"Would I have kids?"

"Would mom die knowing what I did?"

"Would Jess say yes or no?"

I cry inside every second I live because I have so much grief that I can't get it out enough that it eats me.

"Will I be a successful author?"

I know no I hope that when I die there will be another boy or girl just like me minus the six surgeries I went through or the irritating parents I have.

But to have that passion and love that I had when I walked this earth that Phoenix passion with smart a*s charismatic attitude I posses now.

So I can be there for him/her when they need me.

Their imaginary friend from childhood to their deathbed before they go on.

I wanna be able to touch the lives of many but I already have if you've read my works and talked to me on yahoo, msn, or on the phone.

I just don't know there is so much s**t I wish I could do but I can't cause I either don't know how or I'm afraid to do it.