A song of hope

You are not alone. There is hope and all you need is to listen to the songs that continue on forever.

This story starts with lyrics from a song by an 80’s rock singer called Meat Loaf. The song is called “Rock and Roll Dreams Come Through” and is possibly one of the reasons why I am still alive to tell it. The song begins,
“You can’t run away forever”
Oh how I wished I could. I can’t tell you how many times I have wished for the ability to just disappear or how many times just being in my own skin was debilitating and awful. There is nothing worse in my opinion when you find yourself completely lost; hating yourself to such a degree that when you sit down to eat you feel like you don’t deserve the meal. This feeling overwhelms me with hopelessness and darkness leaving me with one last desperate cry, begging, pleading with God to allow this to be a nightmare that I can just wake up from; knowing full well I will have to face the awful reality that that prayer will never be answered. This sinks me lower into that thickening molasses of depression; desperately listening for the song to continue on.
“But there’s nothing wrong with getting a good head start”
Isn’t it funny how the cycle of depression almost always deceives you into believing you can run away? I remember involuntarily seeking for those ways to escape, “if I wear this mask or put up that wall, it will be ok. If I hadn’t done this or that things wouldn’t have happened. If I say that or this everything will be better. If I had this ability or that ability things could change. If I wasn’t me, I would be free!” How is it that this vicious cycle of despair which is very much alive always deceives in one way or another providing that false hope that one day we might be able to get away? Trapped and alone in depression’s prison I study this cycle carefully and to my amazement it reveals something impressive through the truth that this is all there is and maybe, just maybe there is light in that reality if the song continues on.
“You want to shut out the night, you want to shut down the sun, you want to shut away the pieces of a broken heart.”
Again the amount I relate to the lyric is chilling. It is so hard and seems impossible in the moment to face whatever it is that ails you. To confront those feelings is unthinkable. Just the thought alone of trying to remove those masks and barriers that deceive me into believing that they protect me perfectly would without a doubt in depression’s reality lead to a horrible death. Death? In questioning this concept that presents itself casually though a single tear I shout out one last cry to the song and one after the other the lyrics touch my heart and the masks begin to fade as the barriers fall while the song continues on.
“Think of how we lay down together”
This without a doubt saved me gracefully and perfectly with compassion and understanding. It came every time without fail from my family, who perfected the art of loving without condition. Whether it is family, friends, the universe, yourself or even the most important of all; God, know that you are not alone! This realization I tell you without a doubt brings a strength that you never thought could ever exist within you. This power, this liberation is love! Feel yourself laying down with your wife, your kids, allow the weight of what is crushing you to fall off onto the floor by embracing their love around you. Feel God’s grace and forgiveness liberating you into eternity. Allow the love from within to heal your broken heart and allow the song to play on.
“We’d be listening to the radio so loud and so strong every golden nugget coming like a gift of the Gods, Someone must have blessed us when he gave us those songs.”
Just listen to those around you that love you! Hear their song to you, hear their cry. Listen to your heart for there is nothing more pure, that voice I believe is God! Know you are loved, those voices are the ones that matter, those voices are from the real world. Everything else you hear, please, believe me when I tell you that they are just static! Do not allow that static to have any part of your attention. We all deserve to be happy and loved. We deserve to be free and blessed by those songs around us that continue to play forever.
“Once upon a time was the back beat, and once upon a time all the poets came to life and the angels had guitars even before they had wings.”
Oh how I remember the sweet joys and pleasures of innocence, the excitement on Christmas morning, the feel of the wind against my face while riding that new bike to school, the magic of making delicious cookies and the anticipation of their yummy goodness in my mouth. I remember the innocence like it was yesterday, standing on the beach for the first time watching the sun and the sky dancing with the ocean waves as the water flows gracefully with the tide. Ending the day truly lost in innocence the magic explodes in my eyes as I watch that colorful sunset out over the horizon that I imagined God painted just for me. Oh how wonderful it was, but the innocence fades as my memories corrupt the magic by forgotten cries and desperately I try to hold onto the song that once again saves me with words of hope.
“If you hold onto a chorus you can get through the night.”
Again hear that love song, shouting from all around you. There is nothing more beautiful, even if you don’t feel it right now allow it to play anyway. Look for it from deep within every day until you find it. When you find it, and you will find it, turn that baby up and let it fill the earth around you to defy all the evil and hate that hollows from deep within. Oh how I pray that all will listen to the song and allow it to heal as it plays on.
“I treasure your love”
What? How could that be? The first time I heard it I questioned again, what? You treasure my love? What do you mean? There is nothing about me to treasure. I am nothing, aren’t I? You treasure my love? Could I be wrong? That question lingers around hope and the beginnings of a beautiful transformation from within as I intently listen on.
“I never want to lose it”
Again the negative question comes to mind immediately, how could anyone love me like that? As negative as that is I can see the poetic transformation that is occurring from deep within each question, Am I worth… Worth existing? You say, “You treasure my love and never want to lose it” Am I really worth all of that? Through love and this simple song a sense of self begins to form as it plays on.
“You’ve been through the fires of hell and I know you’ve got the ashes to prove it”
Hearing these words I was suddenly made visible someone or something knew where I was, what I was, and loved me anyway, ignoring all the disgusting deformities I imagined I had over my whole body. This new self-worth and love from within slowly began to heal my depressed mind and brought me out of those fires of hell that the song acknowledged I was in. I am worthwhile! I am treasurable! And that feels good to feel! Moving on into self-worth is not a smooth road by any stretch of the imagination, which is why the rest of the song is so important.
“Remember everything that I told you”
Please don’t just remember it, feel it, and know it. You are loved, you are worthwhile and you deserve to be treasured.
“And I’m telling you again that it’s true”
It is true, you are not alone. Write it down tell yourself every day, a thousand times a day how amazing you are. There is a great movie called Cool Runnings where two of the characters are talking and one is having problems with confidence. The friend grabs him by the arm and drags him to the mirror and says something like,
“What do you see?”
He replies something like,
“I don’t know.”
Then his friend says,
“I see pride! I see power! I see a bad a*s mother who don’t take no crap from nobody!”
Do this same thing for yourself. At first it might seem silly but hold onto the song. You are worth it. Have pride, have power and allow yourself to be that bad a*s mother. We all deserve to be free from pain and suffering and when you need just a little more to keep you going keep listening because the song is about to get even better.
“When you’re alone and afraid and your completely amazed to find there’s nothing anybody can do.”
I have been there many times. Right when I start feeling better and start going in the right direction someone comes along and just steps on you taking the wind right out of your sails. Then you try to reach out to someone and they are too busy and can’t be bothered. You start to feel that fear settle in and feel out of control like you are drowning, reaching out desperately for someone, anyone to save you and just as you are about to succumb to the inevitable the song, that’s right the song without fail, with all its passion continues on.
“Keep on believing and you’ll discover baby, there’s always something magic, there’s always something new and when you really really need it the most that’s when rock and roll dreams come through, for you!”
It amazes me when I write something like this because I was in such darkness in my past. There was a time when I wouldn’t have even dreamed about this story of light and hope but here it is. I was lost in my depression and afraid to feel anything else as the sadness was I thought at the time a blanket protecting me from that cold darkness that consumed me. But reality proved that that blanket just fed the darkness and gave it all its power. There is nothing more liberating than facing reality. It is hard to face the truth but once you come out from under that blanket and allow yourself to be free that is where you find yourself and your true power.
I am not anything other than me, just a regular person trying to make it through. I hope by sharing this song with you it will help you as it did me. I sincerely hope that through your journey all of your rock and roll dreams come through, for you!

Author's Note

My hope, my wish, my only motivation is that this writing helps someone through this difficult and destructive world. All thoughts and feedback is most welcome. Thank you for your time.