Chapter One (Old writing)

Prologue

My name is Alexandra Caldwell.

And if you are one of the Creatures of the Night…I’m your worst nightmare.

Chapter One

At just 17 years old, I was staking vampires and pouring water on witches left and right. Ok, so technically I wasn’t pouring water on the witches. But I just love The Wizard of Oz, so I had to throw it in there. Really, I was beheading them.

I was your regular Buffy.

And now, at 32 years old, I’m still doing the same thing. Except now I have 2 kids, a husband (Who I normally count as kid number 3), and a mortgage.

Now, most people realize that because of that, I can’t just drop everything to chase an extremely powerful vampire across the world.

However, the Council did not realize that.

They called me up Saturday afternoon after I had just dropped off Derrick at T-ball practice. Darius Brown, the head honcho had told me that there was a vampire named Desmond running around, changing as many people as he could into vampires. It wasn’t just him, either. He had a whole army of vampires to help him out.

I’m the Council’s top COTN (Creatures of the Night) hunter, so of course they expected me to run off and do this. However, most of the CN’s happened to live in my area, because I had made sure to move my family to an area with as much CN crime as possible, which yes, sounds crazy and dangerous, but they have me to protect them. I get a lot of good jobs, and I have a place of honor in the COTN hunters’ world.

But, this man was traipsing around everywhere from the U.S. to Russia, I couldn’t just go running around the world for god knows how long to catch this guy.

However, the Council didn’t understand and told me this:

“Alexandra, you are extremely important to the Council, but not irreplaceable. There will be another Alexandra Caldwell in 20 years. We can wait. There are plenty of other good hunters out there. If you don’t accept this, you will nearly lose your job. Offers will be scarce. You can choose to leave your family for a few weeks, or leave the Creatures of the Night hunters’ world forever. You have until Monday to decide.”

Then, they hung up. I dropped the phone against the counter and slid down until my back was pressed against the dishwasher.

What was I going to do? Surely, Jim wouldn’t understand what was going on. I would have to come up with an elaborate excuse. He didn’t know anything about my other world. Mallory and Derrick would be in a tizzy, and Jim wouldn’t know how to handle them.

However…I couldn’t lose my job. It didn’t pay at all, which I know is a deal breaker for a lot of people, but not for me. This job isn’t about the money. It’s about making sure that humans don’t become extinct, because COTN killed them all.  I wanted to help people, and my way of helping people was killing COTN.

I heard a car pull up in the driveway, so I got up and began acting like I was just tidying up the kitchen, instead of trying to figure out my decision for something that could affect my life drastically.

Jim came through the door. “Hello, sweetheart,” he said.

“Hey, honey. How was work?” I asked.

He didn’t seem to realize that anything was wrong with me. “Good. It was a slow day, but at least there wasn’t a crisis.”

I smiled. He worked at a local newspaper, and there were often new interns coming in that would have breakdowns if someone got mad at them for messing something up. Last week, a girl named Ella had accidentally spilled coffee on the editor’s desk, and he yelled, “Watch it, klutz!”, and she burst into tears and had a meltdown. Her reaction was way too dramatic, but the editor didn’t need to say that.

“Well, that’s good. Oh, I need to run an errand. Could you pick up Derrick from T-ball? Or call Mallory and have her walk down there and bring him home? She’s at Lea Taylor’s house, and we have her mom’s cell phone number written down, so just call them if you want her to do it.”

 “Sure. What’s for dinner tonight?” He asked.

“I’m not sure yet. I was thinking we could just have the kids pick,” I replied.

He nodded, and then went to the den to watch something on ESPN.

My life seemed so normal sometimes. I slipped into “Holly Housewife Mode” and felt like I was just a regular mother of two and a devoted wife. It was nice. But then I would snap back into reality when I got a phone call from the Council, and I would realize that behind my pretty picture, there was an ugly story.

When I was 15, a woman named Liz Holman came to my house. I was watching TV, completely unaware that I wasn’t just some regular teen.

“Hello, Alexandra,” Liz had said.

“Hi. How do you know my name?” I asked her.

“I know quite a bit about you. If you let me come inside, I’ll explain.”

Reluctantly, I had let her in. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. She explained to me that I had been selected to be a hunter. Liz told me that I would have to train very hard, sometimes even to the point where I would have to skip a bit of school to come practice.

“I seriously get to skip school and learn how to kick somebody’s a*s? I’m in,” I told her.

Back then, the promise of those two things had helped me make my decision. Now there were a lot more things that I hadn’t considered when I signed the paper that devoted my life to hunting COTN.

In about a year’s time, I started getting very important offers. I always succeeded, usually without a scratch on me. I became known as the Top Hunter, a place that I hold with great importance.

I know I can’t just give all this up…but how can I explain this to Jim? I’d think of something.

But until further notice, I was going on the hunt to find Desmond.

Reviews

[Sseoni]

I really liked this so far! It's very intriguing and the plot, so far, is awesome! Hunting down creatures of the nights sounds like a very tiring job, especially when you don't get paid and you have to keep it a secret from your family! Great first chapter! :D

[J. Marc]

Humm. You certainly have a talent for writing story or maybe you just worked hard on this one. Anyway, it is very pleasant to read, and passages like “and a husband who I normally count as kid number 3” makes the reading worthwhile. It is even more intriguing to notice that you tell the story in the first person.....Quite a feat!!!

[Persephone]

Wow! You are such a good writer! Can't wait for more! That was really intriguing (lol that's a big word even for me haha). I personally am drawn to this story as the some of the other commenters say. Don't listen to anyone who tells you your writing is s**t. You are not a s****y(sp?) writer. Anyway LOVED IT!!!

[m]

Hannah you are a very awesome writer and best friend. Keep writing

[Dutch Jr.]

Pretty good start, I'm drawn to your writing style. Nice work.

[toloveistodestroy]

Hey y'all, thanks for your comments! I will be updating, I promise. But it might be later tonight or tomorrow. It takes me a while to come up with a whole chapter, because I really have to, erm, as some might put it, "get in the zone", in order for me to write well. But I have written about half already.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I enjoyed this and will read more..
As i was told by an excellent writer , always spell the number.
Good luck explaining to Jim lol
Nice story thus far.

Chloe

[Chronos]

wow right when i was getting into the story BOOM chapter ends i will be waiting for the next chapter

[Alexis Raine]

Essentially what Kianna said. You may want to go through this and remove any extraneous details that don't contribute to forshadowing, plot, character, etc. I like how you've placed a vampire in a hero's quest --it's been done before, but you have the capability to become quite original.

Finally, if you could format this with indentations and such, that would really assist the reader in ease of reading. It can be intimidating to be faced with a block of text.

http://www.bobbrooke.com/WritersCorner/paragraphswhentouse.htm
That seems like a good basic guide. On a side note, you will want to make sure each piece of dialog is indented and on it's on line.

Keep writing!
-Roo

[Jennika has a short att..]

Dude, I so had a dream about this the other night except it was Zombies and Werewolves :D Looooooove it!

[Livana Lowell]

I laughed at the tiny prologue.

On re-write, spell out your numbers.

Let me just ask you this, was it really important to know how Alex became a hunter unless you plan to use the woman or situation in a later more important moment?

As the reader, I am intruiged by the vampire, Desmond like how powerful he is and if he's caused such an alarm, that means he must be up to something.

This is all so much tell, but you might intend for the story to fold out that way. I mean it's enough to know that Alex cooks for a family of four than have her tell me she's an ordinary housewife at times.

I think this could be so much better if you draw it out more. A little more show rather than tell. If you have any questions email me, but anyways, I like the story and I hope you keep writing more of it.