Build Up

inspired by Vermilion pt.2 by Slipknot

The pain and shame

It covers me

But I won't let this

Build up in me

Build up inside me

I won't let this

I don't know what to do

When I see

Her standing there

She is my

Everything

But she

Isn't real

I want her all

To myself

But I won't let this

Build up in me

Build up inside me

I won't let this

Reviews

The repetition of words here is very nice and builds tension rhythmically. The idea of an Ekphrasis is to take something that already exists, like a piece of art, a song, a musician, or whatever, and add to it either with story, self narrative, or philosophy. I think you did this quite well, using your own personal narratives along with the lyrics to a song. I especially like how you took and used the repetition of Slpknot's original lyrics "but i wont let this build up inside me," and made them your own; essentially changing the context and word order. Very nice. Thanks.