Prologue

It was a beautiful Tuesday morning, all tenth graders in their art room, oil painting a beautiful blackened tower surrounded by merges of colors.

            “Stupid blue is being a bully Mrs. Khalsa!” said a black girl, getting frustrated that her ocean being more blue then yellow. Their art teacher came to her aid and observed her painting.

            “You’re right Yasmine fight back with your lemon and gold yellow.” Mrs. Khalsa said, taking Yasmine’s paintbrush and adding a few quick strokes of lemon and gold yellow. After, Yasmine tapped her chin with her paintbrush, which was still drenched in yellow. Yasmine continued with the strokes, trying to hide the blue and Mrs. Khalsa went to another student.

            “Mrs. Khalsa, can I oil paint now?” said a caramel skinned girl on the other side of the room, fed up with her veil painting.

            “But Jaya, you haven’t added your elephant yet.” Mrs. Khalsa said, holding up a book that had a picture of an elephant on it. Jaya groaned and looked at her painting then moved to a red head girl who also seemed equally angered by her painting.

            “Mine looks terrible!” said the red head.

            “Let me see!” Yasmine said, putting her brush down and going to the red heads painting. “Rylie you lied, its looks great!”

            “Stop lying Yasmine!” the red head, Rylie said.

            “Yasmine, it isn’t nice to lie about how terrible our paintings are.” Jaya said bluntly.

            “Oh shut up Jaya, Yasmine stop taking pity on them, Rachel hand me my coke!” said a commanding sort of girl. She had long brown hair wearing a lime green tang top and pink shorts. Another browned hair girl, having emo bangs and having the rest of her hair in a pony tail, leaned left and picked up the girls McDonalds Coke-a-cola.

            “Fine Bethany!” Yasmine said and sat back down in her seat, continuing with her painting, constantly adding more paint to her own face. A girl with light brown short hair came to Yasmine with a wet towel and wiped the paint off Yasmine’s face.

            “Thanks Sarah.” Yasmine said, after Sarah had finished.

            “Well Yasmine, you were adding more paint to your face then your paper.” Sarah pointed out. Yasmine continued to her painting till Rachel, the one with the emo bangs, said, “Oh, Mrs. Khalsa, its time!”

Mrs. Khalsa looked at the clock and saw it was time for their break. She clapped her hands and said “Okay girls, and two boys, its time for you guys to return to class.”

            “No, we have trig next!” Jaya said, sliding out of her chair dramatically. Rylie threw back her head and groaned towards the heavens.

            “Please, don’t make us go through that pain Mrs. Khalsa!” Bethany pleaded.

            “Well I would pull you out if I could.” Mrs. Khalsa said. “But it’s not my call, so go, go.”

A little devastated, the tenth graders put their things away and got ready to leave. Suffering through a whole hour of useless science lessons, ironic because their in trigonometry, they prepared for lunch. They were sitting on the plastic bench, reliving Yasmine’s many moments from ninth grade to now, till an unwanted visitor made her way towards them. She had bleached blond hair and pale skin with bright blue eyes, wearing tight clothes with too small of boots on her feet. She found a small spot next to Yasmine, who scooted down.

            “Yasmine I hate you.” Bethany said bluntly as the girl scooted closer to her.

            “I know.” Yasmine said sadly.

            “Hey Yasmine, I was watching Dragon Ball last night, and I can’t believe he killed his own brother just for power.” She said.

            “Logan I don’t think Yasmine wants to hear any of that crap you call a story.” Rylie said getting a giggle out of Yasmine.

            “Shut up Rylie, so anyway-.” Logan began till Yasmine suddenly said,

“Who wants to play Kakurenbo?”

            “Kakurenbo?” Rachel asked.

            “Hide and Seek, Logan’s it!” Yasmine said and everyone zoomed in different directions as Logan slowly counted to thirty. Everyone followed Jaya who ran to the Handwork room where they passed by the school repair man who was also their photography teacher Mr. Pawlo or as they called him “Wizard”.

            “Hi Wizard!” they all said in unison receiving a cool head nod from him. The Handwork room was mysteriously open and they quickly dashed inside.

            “Where to?” Rachel asked.

            “The dungeon!!” Bethany quickly pointed towards the trap door in the corner, also oddly unlocked. Yasmine opened it up and was greeted by a dark room and cobwebs. Yasmine waited till everyone was inside before hopping in and closing the door behind her. She bumped into Sarah, who collided with Bethany making Bethany say “God damn it Yasmine, watch it!”

            “Well sorry!” Yasmine said angrily. “It’s so dark in here that I can barely see my own hand, or tell which one is mine!”

            “No time for your god damn racist jokes Yasmine!” Bethany scolded.

            “Wasn’t trying to this time!” Yasmine shot back angrily.

“Yasmine, do you hear anything?” Rylie interrupted to stop their bickering.

Yasmine listened to see if they were followed. They heard footsteps over the door, and then heard Logan say, “Guys, I saw you run in here!”

She looked around, moving chairs and looking in the old office. Once her feet disappeared and the door opened and closed, the girls let go of the breath they were holding in.

            “Okay, that was close.” Rachel said.

            “Yeah, but lets get out of here, I think class is starting soon.” Sarah said. Yasmine went for the door handle but found it gone. Yasmine tried pushing at the door and then began panicking when the door refused to open.

            “Yasmine, hurry up with opening the door!” Bethany said. “It’s getting hot in here!”

            “The door won’t open, I think it’s jammed!” Yasmine said.

            “Yasmine, your just weak, move!” Jaya said, trying to open the door herself. She slammed the door with her shoulder not even getting it to crack open.

            “We’re doomed!” Jaya said, collapsing into Yasmine’s arms. Everyone crowded around the door, banging and screaming their lungs out for help. Rachel suddenly felt something on the door.

            “Wait, wait, wait! What’s that?” Rachel asked, pushing everyone out of her way.  Her friends calmed down and found an unfinished kanji letter for nation written on the door.

            “What’s that?” Jaya asked.

Rachel finished up the kanji by using her finger and wiping the dust to finish it, leaving an outline. Rachel wiped the remaining dust off and said “Okay, I just needed to finish it, now we can commence screaming for help.”

They continued screaming for help not noticing the glowing kanji on the door. The door suddenly sprouted teeth in between the two doors, opening its mouth and eating them up, sending them to a new world….

Author's Note

Handwork- just means sewing classes at my school

Reviews

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I'm so glad I'm not the only person on WritersCafe who writes Fantasy where modern day teens end up in a another world. couple of things to mention. first off the art class I don't know if its important but if the girls are truly going to another world it seems like it might not be also the amount of people you introduce to us and the information you give is a lot. while information about what someone looks like is good this time it might be too much. again its too early to tell if the others are important but when your just starting a story concentrate on the currently important characters. you also mention a "commanding sort of girl wearing a green TANG top" I take it 'tang' is meant to be 'tank'. finally the transition from art to lunch isn't as smooth as it could be personally I would make art class the lesson before lunch or start at the plastic seat itself. over all though I enjoyed this and will definitely read more

[Imagination-mage]

i made this book like 3 years ago lol so thats why i have sucky grammar:D thanks but i don't know if i'll go back to it

[Ama May Cooper]

*getting frustrated that her ocean being more blue then yellow - grammatically this would have to be either getting frustrated at her ocean or getting frustrated that her ocean was

Its a little unclear who is moving to the red girl, is it the child with the veil painting or the teacher. It reads like it is the child but i can only think it makes more sense to be the teacher as the child that speaks after is not the child with the veil painting. Feel free to correct me if i am wrong.

*lime green tank top

Avoid overuse of the word having when describing personal features try alternating it a bit for example , a girl with this hair . or use your brilliant creative mind for some interesting description.
For example. A girl who's hair resembled that of an evening sunset, A girls with a head the colour of chesnut.
As you have alot of characters, that you have to describe you have to work a little harder at keeping the audience entertained while you describe them , your story shows you have alot of creative ideas so i can't think you'd find it to difficult just to vary there description a little bit.

Consider changing okay girls and two boys to okay girls and boys.... there is still a plural amount of boys even though it is significantly less.

You change tense a little bit throughout, im not sure if you aim to right this in 3rd or 1st person. But you might want to look over your tense carefully.

Okay describe the scene, your character's emotions a little mroe ,give us a chance to feel a little for you characters, especially as this is there intorduction. You have to establish alot as you have so many characters, but at the same time the more characters gives you more chance to be creative and run away with it.

Is anyone proud of there pictures? What are you character's relationship's with each other, im not talking romantic by the way i mean do any of your characters dislike each other, best friends, are they in competion with each other. While you have established your characters themselves, its difficult to work much out about there friendships. I feel more character development does need to happen here, you have so many characters to work with , such brilliant creative exploits but you've left them sort of abandoned before you got into them.

*two small boots

Is bethany the girl that came to sit with the girls, im a little confused here its very unclear who's doing what. And Logan where did he come from.
Where is this bench? What is around the girls? What is in there playground? Where are these characters the new girl, and Logan coming from? What are there moods like? How are they all feeling? What is the other girls relationships with these people?

What an exciting start, i feel you have caught onto something great here... Your words lead me to an interest, and i find that your plot or atelast what of it has already unfolded is a worthy read. And shall contuine to do so.
I like the way you have set yourself hte challenge of so many characters most writers steer away from it because it makes tighing up loose ends much harder later on so i admire it within you.
I like the established realtionships between the students and teachers that is one i can see you have clearly put alot of wokr into and understand them as presented to me.
I am excited to read the rest of this.

[Imagination-mage]

Thanks so much for the review:) I'll try fixing my grammmar I really suck at grammar！(◎_◎;)

[Ama May Cooper]

Haha dont worry about it , im severly dislexic so when it comes to spelling i make an epic fail ... but i always say spelling and grammer can be edited and changed, it can be proof-read and fixed.
But creativity and natural ablity ... that can't be learnt or fixed and you've got that down to a T :)

[Imagination-mage]

thank u

[Yheela]

Very very good!
Though, if you don't mind: a little space between the different parts would make it easier to read. At the moment this big chunk of text is almost too much, but then again I'm an old lady with glasses. XD

[Imagination-mage]

Thanks so muchXD I get that a lot about the print

[Yheela]

lol
Then *fix* it! ^_^
I'm about to dive in to the novel ... old lady with glasses or no.

[Imagination-mage]

Lol! When I get to it:)

[Popble]

Wow, this story is really captivating! The characters were introduced perfectly, and all the scenes transitioned perfectly. Lucky for me, you already have a ton more for me to read! Only downside to this story that i can see is a couple grammatical errors, but none interfere with the readability of it.

[_]

Gah! so many characters yet its like juicy red apples i can't get enough ..... uh oh now im hungry. MUST READ MORE FOR SATISFACTION!

[Malychyte]

Cool beginning I like the story concept! I know how hard it is to introduce a LOT of characters at once, believe me, and you did a pretty good job at it! It seemed like a lot of "he said/she said" sort of things and the only suggestion I have to is to add more emotion into it like, " “Hide and Seek, Logan’s it!” Yasmine exclaimed and everyone zoomed..." but that's just grammar and I shouldnt be judging that cuz I have the same problem haha! But yeah great start can't wait to read more! Keep at it!!

[PokemonFan#1]

“But Jaya, you haven’t added your elephant yet.” I liked that part. Keep it up!