So Familiar, Yet So New.

One by one cold tears fall from my face and with them goes the little bit of hope I’m fighting for. I’m so lost that I’m terrified. There is no light anywhere I look. The rain is covering the moon tonight. I can’t remember anything, but shattered remains of a long forgotten past still linger in my heart. Faces cross through my mind in the dark. A cold laugh, a cruel smile that the gods envied, a voice that would shatter some ones will to fight. It’s like a dream. I have to remind myself to breath. I am not okay. I don’t know why I’m here, and I can’t find a way out. There is a gun in my left hand and my ribs hurt. I hold the gun a little tighter ready to pull the trigger and I begin to walk. I ask myself, if I had to, could I pull the trigger? My steps echo on the walls around me. Someone is watching me, I can feel them. Another set of footsteps follow mine, breaking the constant sound of rain hitting the ground. Without thinking I start running. My ribs hurt more as I run, but I don’t care. My hearts pounding. I wipe the tears from my face. “Run, run, little Guinevere.” A voice filled with power echoes around me. I stumble from the sound of the voice and hit the ground. I know that voice. I fight to get off the ground and I start to run before I’m even fully off the ground; trying to forget the pain.

I’ve been here before. This place, that voice is so familiar. I push myself harder to run. A single gunshot fills the air around me. I take cover to the ground. I’m done running. It’s pointless; he will kill me either way. The street lights begin to turn on around me as I get myself up off the ground. I see him, An 18 or 19 year old boy with brown hair and green eyes that gleamed of red. He stares at me, his eyes green as the willows leaves in spring. He holds a gun to my heart and I concentrate on breathing. There’s no way out. I smile and try to keep my voice steady as I speak “Are you going to kill me?”  He laughs “Kill you? Guinevere, Do you remember anything” His voice was different, softer but still over powering.  So familiar, yet so new. I take the gun in my left hand and without aiming I shoot it and start to run. “Devin, get the girl!” he yells from behind me. I’m bleeding; it’s only a scratch from when I fell, but still, the rose red blood drips from my skin on to the ground behind me.  A cold hand grabs my arm, and stops me from running. I turn to see a boy, hair as black as night “Remember me doll?” he says with a cruel smile on his face. “Let go of me!” I scream as I struggle for him to let go, but his grip gets tighter. “You really don’t remember a thing? Pity. ” He says as he looks into my eyes. I look back into his. I know him, a face from a dream, I go to speak but I can’t.   

Those familiar blue eyes stare at me with so much pity. He takes a step towards me. I take a step back. “What happened to you?” He questions me; his voice had the smallest hint of fear.

Reviews

[Arutha]

This is intriguing. You've got the mystery down to a science; it leaves me wanting to know what's going on, just sucked in enough to know that something awry, yet curious enough to want to know what that something is.

I like the pace of your writing. It moves steadily through the plot, but I wish there was some description, some kind of visuals for the reader. I know that Guin is somewhere at night, a place with ground solid enough to create echoes from footsteps, and I know that that place has street lights. Beyond that, I have no earthly idea where I am. Don't get me wrong, if Guin is confused then I should be too, but her eyes are seeing everything around her, so my mind's eye should be seeing it as well (in my oh-so-personal opinion ;-D).

At any rate, I really enjoy your style, and I love the mystery. The gun really threw me for a loop; it was an exciting twist right at the beginning of the story, one of the things that got me interested right off the bat. I would also like to have a bit more description there too. It's almost too matter-of-fact for me, like she's not really surprised, alarmed, or in any way freaked out by the fact that she has a gun, but I feel like maybe she should be. Unless she knows a lot about guns, I feel like she might surprised by how much heavier it is than she would have expected, or how strangely comfortable the grip feels in her hand, or... you know... something.

Keep it up!