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A Chapter by Once upon a time

But how does one answer a question with so much riding on it? How do you form simple words that could have enough power to answer such a question? Why? You tell me that you need an answer, you need to know; but if you’re asking, there is no way for you to truly understand. Even if I give you a reason, you will always deem it unworthy. My actions can only be my own to comprehend. Oh, there will be those who claim to understand me; but their comprehension pales in comparison. Until you have been me, you cannot think or act the way that I would. But you want to, I can see it in your eyes. You want to feel what it is that I felt in those moments. Perhaps if you read closely your eyes will open a door that was once only cracked ajar. Maybe you can catch a glimpse of what it feels like. Listen to my story and possibly you will think and act as I do. Then you can cast your judging eyes inward to your own corrupt soul.

You must promise not to ask me ‘why’ once more until you have finished living through my life. Only after you have finished listening can you question who I am. Once you begin reading my story, you must promise to finish. I am not what you think I am. I have lived a thousand life times. My name was Anzuel when it all began, and I have had many names since then. As the times changed, so did I, but they always stayed the same. When the war broke out all around us, it was so unexpected for my generation. We had no idea the turmoil brewing within our community. I was just a boy, but I knew which side to choose. You see, there have been numerous wars waged in all three planes of existence, and every place between. I am sure you have heard of the wars between the angels with Lucifer was cast away. There have been many other battles since then. God turned his eyes and ears away from us as well as humans. God is silent, and has been for many, many years. When God first turned away chaos broke out amongst us. Maybe I should start by explaining a little bit of how life actually works. You see, God did, in fact, create life. God was a being all alone in existence. Heaven existed already. Heaven is the only true plane of existence there is, God was all alone in Heaven. As loneliness grew, he became creative. Imagination is what fuels life. God created us from his imagination. First he created angels. We developed our own stream of consciousness, but lived along side God in Heaven. When Lucifer was cast away, he grew so strong that he created his own plane, Hell. Lucifer tried to make angels to liv with him, but his power was mutated by the fact that it was second generation. The angels he created came only as demons; distorted angels with no wings and even less beauty. As Lucifer became frustrated by his inadequacy, he grew determined to undermine God. Once God created Earth, and all the life that it entails, Lucifer decided that this was his way to get even. He would corrupt the souls of the humans that God cherished so much. Once they were tainted, they would belong to him; they would be unable to live in Heaven. Anyhow, since we are all a creation of God’s imagination, what happens if he stops thinking about us? We disappear. So when God began to turn away from everything, naturally, we started to panic. Even though angels cannot die, if we cease to exist, is it not the same thing?

Heaven split into two groups. There were those who wanted to stay in Heaven and persuade God to love once again, and the rest of us decided to join Lucifer in Hell to continue existing with him. The angels who chose to stay violently attacked those of us who tried to leave. Many were maimed as they descended from Heaven. Some had their wings torn off, casting them down to Earth to live a muddled life as a creature caught between superiority and humanity until they eventually died from mortality. Those of us who made it away safely sought refuge with Lucifer; his arms opened wide to greet his lost companions.