Fallen

I've fallen from grace...

I take no solace from you,

Bender of souls.

No cup of warmed up compliments,

That quench my need.

I stand, forgotten, in your shadow,

Where once I was so adored.

Give me an instrument as sharp as your tongue,

So that I might carve the name of my love upon this heart.

When I’m bleeding,

Will I capture your wild attention once again?

Author's Note

I fought with the arrangement of the last three lines for days... Lemme know what you think. Oh yeah, I'm no good at titles, if you've got ideas lay em' on me!

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

This sounds like it's straight from your heart and soul. Excellent imagery, "bender of souls". The third line sounds like you are saying that you were willing to have second rate (warmed over) compliments satisfy you. The seventh line uses an excellent analogy for "the instrument being as sharp as your tongue" That's my favorite line. The last two lines, it sounds like this person whose attention you're trying to get is so wild, it will take something wild on your part to get attention again, if then. An excellent poem! Barbara

[Mr Whiskers]

Breathtaking!
(+favs) and I think Fallen is the right name too

[Mr. Misanthrope]

There is something so amazingly wonderful about this poem! But I can't really get this feeling to form any proper sentences. As for names, you could try looking at the poem itself and looking for related subjects, although I think the name 'Fallen' suits it so much. Really, a job well done!

-Luke

[wicked.wanderer]

Oh. My. God.
I'm agnostic, but for this I have a god, simply so I can say it again:
Oh.
My.
GOD.

[S. J. Fisk]

Excellent work. I shall be adding this to favorites.

[~Poetik Bliss~]

this is really good I must say and fallen for tha name is just fine

[Allusyen]

I absolutely, forever and eternally, love this piece so much. Like all of your work, its simple, but so effective and heartfelt. So much emotion in such a small space just radiates from your words. I like the title, Fallen, it just fits the whole overall imagery of the piece without repeating yourself or detracting from it. It gives you an idea of what you're going to be reading without spoiling the suprise as it is.

[ShadowWolf]

There is never anything to change when it comes from the heart.

[AmberLeigh]

"" I stand, forgotten, in your shadow,

Where once I was so adored.""

Thos two lines probably explain exactly what people feel daily, and you said it perfectly. I love this writing.