Numb

How does one work through this mess? The numbness from all the stress. I know I should feel something, the sadness, the loneliness. Is this what it's like to turn cold? How could anyone be so bold?

The memories, the love and laughter. They enter my mind and begin to scatter like flakiness in a blond. Scurry like frightened mice. I always felt that things were just right.

My heart, my soul...I begin to search to the me that was long ago lost. The days, weeks, and months make this turn into such a bitter frost. 

I feel as though I am losing. Losing the ability to love and feel loved. I know I should cry and yet I contemplate why. Why shed a tear to show such raw emotion? After all I was the only one with such devotion.

You say you have history. You have forgotten so do we. I can no longer feel. Feel the anger, the sadness, the laughter, the joy. My walls are getting stronger, thicker. More difficult to penetrate. I wonder if you will or ever did appreciate.

Appreciate what I had to offer? Unconditional love. No questions asked, jumping head on into what I felt right.

I don't think that we realized or cared that we had lost sight. Sight of the quickness and the immaturity of it all.

We enter this season of love and happiness yet all I feel is empty, cold , and no emotion. What have I become? A bitter, cold person? Have I lost the ability to love? Or just the reason to. It's a shame that you had to be that final nail in my love coffin. For we hardly talk anymore or as often.

My love for you is/ was unconditional. I knew it from the start. You picked up the pieces and attempted to mend my broken lonely heart. Now no other will ever know who I am or used to be. For I am a shell of the old and new me.

I want to feel to have some emotion. No other will experience my undying devotion. For you see dear departed one, my cold emotionless life has just begu