distractions

You presence never known, you popped up out of nowhere

existed for years, but I really gave no care

a couple days ago your existence became known

when I saw you I was instantly enamored by your glow

my heart raced thinking about how you'd perceive me

As anything beloved to me, I did not forsee thee

I decided I would do my duty to my satisfaction

the cleaning and the discipline would serve as a distraction

the cold hard truth of the dreary situation

creeped up upon me as I searched with desperation

for something to alleviate my sinister inner turmoil

hopelessness wrapped around me choking me with its rough coils

I tried to be as respectful as I could when you spoke to me

but I was nervous and fumbled with my words I saw that you see

I couldn't hold back my testosterone when I was there then

I was hoping you'd be merciful enough to go and spare men

It was kinda pointless anyways to keep up my hopes

somewhere deep inside of me tried to break my tied ropes

I continued to distract myself as much as I could bear

insomnia crushing my skull as I gasped for some air

I didn't ever get to say goodbye when you were to leave

My eyes could only stay open so long before I do sleep

I have no way to talk to you, I only know your name

I have to distract myself from the fact I mightn't see you again

and even if I did see you again it may be too late

you probably wouldn't be that into men like me anyway

I continue on with my life, enjoying it to satisfaction

hopefully my hedonism serves as a distraction