Ideals and Hot Dogs

Different ideals...expressed with hot dogs.

The Optimist: I'm starving, but at least there's always hot dogs!
The Pessimist: But I hate hot dogs!
The Stoic: Hunger is hunger. Food is food.
The Sartean: If I don't eat, then no one will....
The Kantian: I MUST EAT IT.
The Deconstructionist: Why must there be a bun, and there also a dog?
The Skeptic: I don't believe it when it says its Kosher.
The Existential: Whose idea was it to put ground up muscle into the intestines?
The Spiritualist: This isn't tofu, man.
The Cynic: Hot dogs come in packs of 6, buns in packs of 8. FUUUUUUUUUUU--
The Platonic: This wiener is no brat.
The Aristotelian: Brats are expensive. Wieners are here.
The Socratic: Why aren't we having burgers?
The Hippocratic: The dog is longer than the bun. It is no longer harmonious.
The Pythagorean: As within, so without. Let's eat, then be eaten.
The Homeric: The dog was THIIIIIISSS long!
The Orphic: Ask not how the sausage is made.
The Romantic: That was the best. Hot dog. EVER.
The Utilitarian: It sufficed.
The Modernist: I ate it.
The Post-Modernist: But I'm not full. Or am I?
The Surrealist: That was no dog.
The Dyslexic: I think I just ate God.
The Darwinian: I had a mouth. It didn't. I win.
The Christian: Urghh....it's coming back.
The Jewish: What, no pickle?
The Muslim: Not good enough.
The Buddhist: It was a good hot dog. For its time.
The Jain: Please don't tell anyone.
The Pagan: I was the one who made the sausage!
The Feminist: Where's my knife and fork?
The anti-Semitic: Needs more bacon-wrap.
The Homophobic: I eat my hot dogs sideways.
The Mathematical: Given enough time, I can make 6 dogs and 8 buns work.
The Scientific: I can put cheese in this.
The Tinker: I turned it into a burger.
The Magician: I turned it back into all the animals.
The Economist: I just solved world hunger.
The Capitalist: I just became a millionaire.
The Communist: They just became millionaires.
The Imperialist: And this is why I should be king.
The Anarchist: And this is why I can take care of myself.
The Nietzschean: F**k hot dogs.
The Rocker: Needs mustard.
The Mosher: Needs hot sauce.
The Raver: GRK!
The Psychic: It will taste good.
The Cook: Damn straight it will.
The Hedonist: MOAR SAUERKRAUT!
The Ethiopian: What's a hot dog?
The Vegan:
The Cannibal: He was delicious.
The Nympho: That felt fantastic!
The Hipster: Can I get that in a low-carb tortilla?
The Masochist: Needs more habanero.
The Subbie: Oh can I please have one?
The Dommie: Oh you will...
The Filmmaker: We can cook it in post.
The Editor: But you only gave me half a hot dog....
The Caterer: Where'd all my hot dogs go?
The Drunkard: Beer-battered dog. Without the batter. And without the dog.
The Addict: I gotta...have....my relish...
The Frat Boy: Guess how many I can fit in my mouth?
The Sorority Girl: Guess how many I can fit between my lips?

[Contributions from Others]
The Vegetarian: I can't eat this.
The Viking: Why isn't this squealing when I bite it?
The Pirate: I'm gonna eat them all now and then go back to work so I can buy more.
The Fop: This fabulous hot dog reminds me of a marvelous tale.
The Bard: Hot Dog...there's a song in there somewhere.
The Cabin Boy: No, oh God, please, no more!
The Hitchhiker: 42 of them please.
The Acupuncturist: We must open all the flavor chakras.
The Taoist: The natural flow of this hot dog's chi is into my belly.

Author's Note

From a Facebook thread...good enough to share.