On Pain of Death

I wish that I didn’t have to cover this. But I do. To raise awareness.

Liam Brown was a great kid. Everyone says the days are darker now without his smile. He wasn’t too bright, but he was amazing at building things. He was a creative, energetic, compassionate young man, full of love and life. We never expected what happened.

            An officer questioned Jonas about Liam. This was weeks after it happened, but Jonas was still very shaken up over it. He came in several times a week for four weeks, and this is the story we managed to piece together. With the consent of Liam’s mother, we will release this to the public as a warning. To everyone. I have modified the account to make it more readable, but tried to stay true to the facts.

            It was just another school night for Jonas. He had homework he needed to do, but he was procrastinating. He knew that he wouldn’t get his work done in time, but that had happened before. He just really didn’t want to do it. Tv was more important. Sometime in between 6:00 and 8:30, Liam tried to FaceTime him. Jonas declined. He didn’t want anything to disrupt his show. After Jonas’ show was over, he had the Hot Pocket his mom had left on the kitchen counter for him. After dinner and an hour more Tv, Liam tried to FaceTime again. Frustrated, Jonas declined again. Shortly after, he got a text from Liam that read, ‘We need to talk. NOW.’ Jonas responded, ‘Y.’ (That’s it. Just Y. If he had said more, Liam might have been saved. I feel bad for saying this, but it’s hard not to blame Jonas. I know he has a hard time not blaming himself.) Liam replied, ‘I knew you wouldn’t care. No one does. Never mind. Goodbye.’ Jonas got worried. Goodbye? What did he mean, goodbye? Won’t I just see him tomorrow? Jonas decided to call him, and went to his room to have some privacy. He thought he was prepared for the worst. We all wish he had been.

            As the image came into focus, the first thing he noticed was that Liam was in a car. He could tell that Liam had been crying. In fact, he still was. He asked Liam what was going on. Liam said something along the lines of ‘You hate me. Everyone hates me. All I do is annoy people, make them upset. It would be better if I were just gone.’

Jonas realized what was happening, but too late. Liam was in his garage with the car on, gassing himself. Liam’s parents weren’t home. It seemed like they never were. Jonas told him to stop, that he had too much to live for. ‘Like what?’ Liam said.

 Jonas had no answer.

‘What about your parents?’ He asked.

 ‘If they loved me they would want to see me.’ Jonas was silent. Liam started crying harder. Jonas offered to call someone to help. Liam bent over and the image lagged. For a split second, Jonas thought that Liam had died. Suddenly, the image came back. Liam had a gun to his head. ‘If you call someone, I’ll pull the trigger.’

 ‘Don’t!’ Jonas yelled.

‘Don’t what?’ His mother called from the living room.

‘Nothing, Mom,’ he yelled. While he had his head turned, he heard a gunshot. A wave of despair swept over him. He knew Liam had died. He could barely make himself look back to the screen.

‘If you talk to anyone else, the next shot is going through my head,’ Liam asserted.

 Jonas was relieved that Liam wasn’t dead, but still worried that he would be soon. ‘I want you to live. I guess I was just a bad friend. I failed, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me. You might think your death won’t hurt anyone, but it will. Everyone will be hurt.’ Liam lowered the gun just a hair.

 ‘You mean that?’

 ‘Yes, of course I do. You’re my only friend. If you died, I would die. Do you want that?’

 ‘I guess not…’ The gun went a little lower. Liam dropped the gun and grabbed his head. ‘It hurts!’ He yelled.

 ‘How long have you been in there?’ Jonas asked frantically.

 ‘I-I don’t know, since the second time I tried to FaceTime you, I think.’ Jonas checked the time. That had been 15 minutes ago.

 ‘How are you not dead!?’ He asked.

 ‘I don’t know. I wanted to die. Please call someone, I can’t feel my legs…’ his voice started to drift off as the carbon monoxide took effect. Jonas ran to his home phone and dialed nine one one. He realized that he didn’t know Liam’s address. He panicked. They told him not to.

            This is where the story starts to get blurry. It was hard for Jonas to talk about it. From what we can tell, Liam passed out, the emergency responders traced the call to Liam’s phone, and found him. Jonas watched the whole affair over FaceTime. He heard when the firefighters broke through the front door. He watched the garage door open to a dark, starless night. He was startled when the glass in the car door suddenly broke. The men opened the door and dragged Liam’s body out of the car. Jonas saw his first, and hopefully only, dead body. We aren’t sure how long he had been dead, just that he was dead when the firemen showed up.

            Jonas spent weeks crying into his mother’s shoulder. He didn’t talk for a week after Liam died, he just cried. He took voluntary therapy. I was his therapist. I’ve spent the past six months telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that there was nothing he could have done, and that since Liam was a Christian, he was in a better place. Jonas became a Christian as well. That was the only good thing that came from this long, bitter affair. Was it worth it? I would say no, but God might think differently.

            No matter how much I tell Jonas that it wasn’t his fault, I’m not sure if I can make myself believe it. He could have saved Liam, but he was ignorant and unprepared. It still hurts me to think that Liam believed that I didn’t love him. If I had known, I would have taken as many days off as I had to. I guess that I am as much to blame as Jonas.

            If anyone who reads this plans to commit suicide, remember the people that you will hurt. Jonas hasn’t been the same since Liam died. Neither have I. Remember who you leave behind. Remember the people who love you. Remember those who will miss you. I know I’m not Shakespeare, but I hope this can persuade you to change your mind.