Memoir of a Useless Soul

All is dark, a cloying black,

Brush ‘gainst something, gentle tack,

Shrug it off, ‘twas but a twig,

Yet something sticks, ‘tis something big,

 

Arm immobile, heart rate sped,

Twist and tug, naught but in my head,

Blinking, praying only a dream,

Remain in glue, begin to scream,

 

Lungs expand with frightened pace,

Tears falling to the Devil’s lace,

Noir spires of flesh and hairy sinew,

Last thoughts shift to only you,

 

Siphon plunged ‘twixt meat and bone,

Bleeding feeling not my own,

My muse my love my confidant,

This morbid finish’s what she wrought,

 

A final gasp, a shriek, a moan,

My end, finale, farewell shown,

Skin ‘comes dry, wrinkled, dead,

 

Her lies, my fate, not in my head.

Author's Note

There's a clear double meaning to this one. Either way, it was fun to write, so I hope you enjoy it.

Reviews

[enroc]

Idiotekque,

I just read your post in the general forum after I posted my own. It looks like were here for the same thing: real constructive criticism. I'd like to take a look at this poem and would appreciate it if you reviewed the one that I've posted.

I like the pacing here. You've got a nice iambic flow that helps to develop tension, keeping the pace quick. It certainly helps to build the fear I think you're going for, at least as a topical meaning.

I was distracted by the 'poetical' contractions, 'gainst, 'twas, 'twixt. If it is a theme that you are shooting for, I see it, but don't really like it. These types of contractions seem hokey and gimmicky. Generally, anything like that that takes my attention away from the poem usually lessens its affect.

I like the dual meaning. I can't stand when dual meanings are beaten into you by an author. Yours, here, is subtle enough to respect your reader.

Cheers.

[Idiotekque]

Thanks for the review, Enroc. I'll be sure to review something of yours soon.

I'm replying here so I can make it clear that there was some reason behind the little contractions. The entire aim for this poem was that double meaning, but it was also a fusion of two styles. 1. A fast-paced, jumpy rhyming tale with a bit of a lighthearted storybook/fairytale thrown in. Something both airy, yet dark. That's where the slightly silly terms like "'twixt" came in. And 2. A deeper, more emotional poem stemming off of dark personal emotions and experiences.

Something I strive to do in most of my poetry is create a contrast between dark and light, love and hate, ugliness and beauty. I'm sorry that didn't come across to you here, but thank you for the criticism.

[Archia]

Oh I did really enjoy this. I loved the rhyme and how none of it seemed like it was just there because you needed something to put in.

[Vinyl Affair]

Demented brilliance, is all I have to say.. It twas beautiful. I look forward to reading more of your work.