estranged Being

I am Being estranged from Being by time

I an not satisfied with the quality of the fish I catch

with my I shaped lure, However

U shaped lures bear greater fruit

        although so many parasites lie beneath skin

                           to pull apart would puree the meal

                                    (meat milkshake)

Your I shaped lure was crafted by your own hand

U infuse it with the pride of your labour

                        but the success of the hook

                      overshadows the importance of your work

Perhaps the I is a better harpoon

                     by which U may skewer this whale's vast and thick hide

                                 if U didnt simultaneously feel your own flesh pierced

          by the violence of your thrust

                        by your own need to get down to things

    get to the heart

for U assume U will be vis a vis with your eternal inscription

                       upon what U are

        but U are Being estranged

                          Time is running out, Hunter

                        U must pin down and kill the world

                          before I kill U.

Reviews

[Gandré]

capitalism makes people feel like this. This is the modern age, selfishness; people are trimmed to give you 1-2 seconds in Germany, they often even don't look at you but answer your question while walking... I find it important and positive that you point this out; here u are a man of morals... this is for intense thinking filled with meaning, I had to read thoroughly.

[Leah Simone]

Makes one wonder if self-centeredness is not the plague that is killing us off. We are so busy stating our opinons and reaching for our goals we seldom place ourselves in the proverbial shoes of others- especially confessional poets as it were. I may have missed the mark, but to me this speaks of selfishness with a dash of criticism of others, or perhaps to say it speaks against both is more accurate.

[The Mad Prophet]

Awasome, this poem is ment for the perfect predator. I like this one alot, and the I's and U's highlight what you are trying to get across. Great piece, thank you for sharing.

[windmill]

the u's bother me, but that's because i'm an elitist.
it works in the form. and for that, i like it. with or without u/you.


(L2: am*
L6: wondering about 'would' ... something about the structure of that line is awkward.... dunno exactly.)

love 'meat milkshake' from a parasite beneath the skin.

(L14: simultaneously*)

if U didn[']t simultaneously feel your own flesh pierced
by the violence of your thrust

nice.


interesting to read. thanks :)

[Thomas James Martin]

Interesting read. Liked the ending: Time is running out, Hunter

U must pin down and kill the world

before I kill U.
Tom

[robin]

Again a super meticulous word play for filling the mind with query. Beatiful and organic with textures and viscera and dirt. It reminds me of the saying, "when you meet the buddha on the road, kill him".
Wonderful and modern visionary, like a painting masterpiece. I'd say this will make you immortal Brett. Just get it published.

[Stephen Ownby]

Wow, nice. I love the language and the conceptual nature of this poem. Kudos.