Plucking the Wires

A little bit of insight concerning me

My fingers are not fingers, they are threads. Like a red string of fate connecting the hearts of soul mates. But mine are not red, nor do they commit such pure acts as love. These translucent cords are the way I control everything in this world. It is not like I do this to gain invincible power or unfathomable quantities of wealth. I simple see our world in such an obscure way that I have the abilities to see the different paths a persons future can go and make it to my liking. I could do this since I was five. I knew I saw the world strange but I did not tell anyone because, why should I?  Adults always saw me as a cute, perfect child. Someone they could put with the problem children and let me take care of them. They even treated me different from my age. I was an old soul in a tiny body and people could tell. So I learned to hide it better. I became the type of person where it only took an hour for me to make a new best friend and a day to be someone they would always protect. Maybe even obey whatever I asked or suggested. This weird strategy I came up was perfect for the longest time. In my advanced ways though I lost the basics that every child should have been given.The ignorance and dreams I child would keep until they were gradually tainted by age. I could not ask for something I wanted straight out because I new that if I really wanted something and did not want a chance of not gaining that possession I would have to manipulate the people I called my friends and family. I did this unparalleled to politicians, world leaders, and definitely all the people I knew. There was nothing I could do though to change this about me. It was some how embedded in my DNA. My friends, family, teachers, acquaintances, no one could withstand  it. I would not even do it intentionally but these souls would eventually become my drones. This fact made me feel so alone. I always wondered if there was a god, would this be the curse of his vast powers and knowledge?  With all the possibilities and just infinite raw information I was processing it made me feel lost. I felt so lost and like there was no gravity holding to my life. I was scared. So incredibly much and I was only seven. Why was I having to hold more than the titan Atlas? It was not fair and It was not right. Alas, to me, there was no path that I could see to get out of this punishment so I adapted. After a while the weight slipped from my mind. The fears, the pressures, the expectations all seemed to lose there power over me and I was not just adapting anymore. I was thriving from it. I became elated this world was so easy to mold to my desires. There wans not a single thing I could not get or keep domain over and it made me laugh. I knew though if I was going to be the puppeteer I would have to play dumb allot and keep the shadows like a veil over me. So I did. People constantly underestimated me and only saw the face I so masterfully put on to please these misguided souls. I continued this into everything I did. I still do it this very second. I know my faults and weaknesses and I constantly find new ones. Everyone can do this thought that is not what is special. What is special about me is I instantly accept them as what makes me, me. With in doing so it doesn’t even take the smallest known measurement of time to correct it. One day someone tells me that I might be to cold, so the next I have adapted and now I am the perfect equilibrium of presence from the aura I could give off.  One day when I was pretending to listen to my science teacher but really reading ahead eight chapter I came across a term the made my entire body go on edge: mimicry; the ability of some creatures to imitate others, either by sound or appearance so they may merge with their environment for protective purposes. I knew right then that’s was what I was doing but is such an abundant way that it could even at time be considered a hindrance. When you do that, become what the world want and need never truly showing your own self you die. You are never the same person again but a mass compilation of the best traits you have perfected from others. It makes you feel inhuman and gives you the feeling that there will never be a kindred spirit. When I could not take this knowledge anymore I did the one thing I could only come up with. I deprived myself of my own emotions and stole the emotions from others to simply use as a means to conform to what was expected of me by society and be hidden in the very middle of everything. I was the perfect doll. I transformed into whatever was needed by the closest person and it was not just superficial. The entire way I thought and would act changed with the new person I was depraving. My dreams would change even and this could happen in a matter of minutes. There is no language someone could speak or write in that can covey the chasm of complexity this would bring me. I was not able to see or think of my self as a singular entity. It just could not be done. So I had to see my world, my life from a third person view which made me fall deeper into the sense of the isolation that keeps me from everything. So I was not my own person. I had no feeling that were my own and no sense of the thing I was. Is that not a plausible definition for, my own self, being non existent?  

 

A child with no self, a life unseen, add the absence of emotion and I, the demon, is released