Rules for Writers

10 Commandments

1. Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. It's a dangerous and heartless world for those who put their fears and hearts out into the world for review.

2. Respect the stupid man. Though they be ignorant and nuisance, they also be your audience, many stupid people in the world. Write for the audience because no one cares about you.

3. Destroy yourself and your craft. There is no craft in writing, not anymore, never again. The New York Times Best Selling authors say that they have an office in their homes where they work 8 hour days with a lunch break in between, and in that time they force themselves to write. Whatever comes out is forced. No art. Sell.

4. Be irrational. The tallest of the tall tales makes for good sci fi. If you wanted to write a coherent story, you should have been a screenwriter.

5. Become a Creative Genius. Go sit by yourself in the aisles of Barnes and Noble and just read. Many people's intelligence can't support their imagination, so become intelligent. Creative Genius' are people who are amazing at being completely wrong, but do it so that it sounds like it could be right.

6. Stay in school. Let them purge your gift from your system and give you their way of doing it. If you follow the program, you'll transfer to USC where you'll get a Master's in Creative Writing and become rich and famous like Stephen Spielberg. The worse that will happen is that you will end up being a legal secretary and they make good money. All your lousy natural talent will get you is some luck.

7. Don't hang out on writer's websites. They're full of people who believe in themselves. People who believe in themselves put everything of themselves into their writing, so when you critique their writing, you are critiquing them. If someone called you fat, you'd punch them too even if you were fat. Never say anything but nice things about someone's writing, flattery may get you a job and at worse may get you laid.

8. Don't listen to what "those who've been published" have to say, go straight to a publisher and ask them if your stuff is crap or not because in the end, all every writer is doing is guessing at what may or may not get published. Isaac Asimov got rejected right up to the end of his days. You're wasting your time and emotions listening to writing guru's.

9. Never fall with a friend. Though you be an angel, fallen angels always end up in Hell.

And last but not least…

10. If at first you don’t succeed…quit.

Reviews

[Brooklyn Darkchild]

Great Article.
I want to say Hilarious!
But I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess beneath every sarcastic, satirical piece lies a heart once shredded like a crooked accountant's tax files. Some of the things you list are downright, painfully, true. And yet,
we continue to write. Why???
Who knows.
Be Blessed!
DC

[Erotic Goddess]

Creative Genius' are people who are amazing at being completely wrong, but do it so that it sounds like it could be right.

LMAO! I loved this, clever, witty, biting, entertaining and completely hilarious! You certainly have the cynical view down pat. I love the way you wrote it with such dry humor. Thank for sharing!

XXOXX

[W.k.kortas]

Inside every cynic is a somewhat tarnished idealist looking for a reason to come out. Both are in evidence here; the article is funny and cynical without descending into malice. Entertaining and poignant.

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Vey funny. Very cynical. Possibly correct. Who knows. I wouldnt agree with quitting though if everyone else did then my chances of getting published will increase. Which, i will not complain about. I would argue against the writers website one...bit too general there. Being on here, being reviewed (not critiqued) and reading writers on here have improved me greatly and has given me the confidence to experiment as much as possible with my writings.

[M. Keala Milles, Jr.]

This is hilarious, especially number five. Creative Genius? Too late! Mwahaha....oh, wait, I'm an evil genius, sorry, I often get them confused. And in number six, it should "the worst that could happen" but I won't hold it against you because I don't want to hurt your feelings...seriously I was back and forth over whether or not I should tell you. After all, you are a writer.

Please don't comment back because I don't care what you think. I already told you, I'm a creative genius...d****t--Evil genius! It happened again!