The Grind

 

The 101 North stretches out from the Grind

Like a snake through Hollywood hills till a sign

Bids me exit to a town on the left hand side

With a suitcase and Jeep Wrangler 4-wheel-drive

 

20 years old, far from home, want to cry

I know what I'm doing here, just don't know why

A Fireman told me to give this a try

So I lace up my Firefighting Boots with a sigh

 

The Wildland Grind stretched like ocean swells

Far from heaven and too close to hell

And Fire Sirens rang like Notre Dame bells

As my first Wildfire bid my old self farewell

 

And with pick axe in hand and my gear on my back

The Grind egged me on till I thought I would crack

Then I saw the mountainside covered in black

And the Devil Himself ripping through our attack

 

Flames reached up to the ashen-choked sky

And phoenixes danced before my rookie eyes

While the water-drop fell on our heads like a tide

And we chased spot fires through the night on a high

 

Demons we battled and dragons we slayed

And jumped behind hoses as lightning was sprayed

Angels wore yellow with hardhats and spades

And slept beneath stars on the charred wild glade

 

When the battle was over, we stood tall with pride

Brothers and sisters in arms side by side

We're tired and dirty but feel alive

And we'll never forget the war on the Grind

 

The rain covers tears as I say goodbye

Burning down the 101 like a firefly

Adventure calls me home like the broken yellow lines

I know who I am now, now I know why.

Reviews

[Touché Armada]

Eh bash it, I would but really what purpose does that serve?
Despite the pretty face and the female composure I am a firefighter in Victoria Australia, and our last big fires in the north east had us away for days at a time most of the time with strangers in strike teams, though they are always like family its quite strange how everyone just clicks in the new friendships like we have all known each other forever, I think its common cause. That fire burned for more than a month I think it was 50 to 60 days off hand, they were sparked by lightning,, it was a crazy time and the biggest fire I will ever have to go to, our biggest ever in this country, over a millon hectares across two states. 15,000 people fighting the fire, including volunteer fire fighters from New Zealand, Canada, and the US helped us out. Any how it was huge, affected many people and unfortunatly is a way of life in this country, the dryer it gets the worse it gets, but we keep beeing told it has nothing to do with anything other than natural cause,,,,, I hope they are right.

[Phil Askew]

There's a fine line between story-telling and poetry. The ballad is difficult to write without crossing that line, This one walks ever so close to the border, but in my estimation remains on the poetry side because of its emotion and lesson. This depicts the courage of firefighters and the grueling task they have in attempting to stop wildfires. What redeems it for me is its lesson of self-discovery. Face to face with death or "the Devil", can bring out our most intense fears, and knowing that we know who we are. Your phrasing is superb, very creative, "Far from Heaven and too close to Hell," "pheonixes danced," "like Notre Dame bells," not so much the words themselves, but how you used them and what they mean in context. You certainly spin a good story. The hardest part of this kind of writing, is to not let the rhyming drive the wrting and yet not use cliche' rhymes. In some places (black, attack) I feel you fell into that trap. It just sounded forced, but (there's always a but) to another it may not. (I have found that some will say "it's forced" while others will say "it flows" when speaking of the same passage.) All ears are not the same. Remember this is extremely difficult stuff to write. Some will not like it just for what it is. Rhyming ballads seem to have fallen out of favor in today's market. I can tell from your other posts that you write stories, and from reading just this I would guess you are very good at that.. As to how I perceive this poem: Let me say, first, I enjoyed it (but then I love rhyming ballads). It grabbed my interest and held it to the end (mainly because of the story). Throughout I found phrases that captured my imagination (could use more) and this along with the story kept me going. Along the way, I felt like some of the rhyme was common (nothing new in the rhyming) still fitting, to the story, but "cry, why, try, sigh" etc. has been overdone. (Try creating new rhymes.) Your storytelling ability helped create images that pull the reader along, scenes that move along like a play or movie, and give the senses a feel for the story. The fires popping up, (those dancing Phoenixes), the water-drop (like a tide), "Angels wore yellow," all those images carried this for me, but (again) things like "arm in arm," "stood tall with pride," "tired and dirty" and "we feel alive," all are much too common to enhance your poem. Do I like it, as is? Yeah, I do, but I can see it being much better, more raw, more interesting in its rhymes, and with a bit more tension. Oh well, that's about it, I don't know what else to say or what more to suggest. I liked it, make no mistake about that, but, hey, I have my opinions.

Phil

[Emily B]

Oh, it rhymes. I couldn't get away from that sing-songy rhythm. It's actually one of the nicest rhyming poems I've read lately. It's a great story with a sense of self-discovery.

[Jaclyn]

The first stanza is awkward in its beginning lines...at the "till a sign" part. I don't really have any suggestions as to how to improve it because I see where it would be difficult to change it and still fit the verse.

This evokes such a picture of almost a medieval battle. Or the scene in Sleeping Beauty with Maleficent casting thorns and fire (I don't mean that this reminded me of a happy chirpy Disney movie...I've always found Maleficent to be creepy as s**t) at the Prince. I don't know why that particular scene comes to mind...maybe it's the mountains and the darkness...

Anyway, this is great, the rhyme scheme is simple yet elegant, the mood is ALIVE, and you've managed what some people never can...you COMPLETED this but also left it open enough that it gives a sense of freedom and infinity in your discovery of who you are. Did that make sense? Write on!

[Hedra Helix]

Ahh you are a firewoman, I dig this actually. Its a nice view into your dome, let me read a few more before I get critiquey, I wanna get a sense of your voice first.

Thanks btw for going out into it and fighting for us.