Japan Disaster

A poem I wrote when the tsunami happened a while ago.

Japan Disaster

The enormous splash of ice cold waves

crash against beside me.

If only I were there not here,

left alone in this tsunami.

Disaster strikes once more again,

how cruel Mother Nature.

Broken lives and loved ones lost,

drift away in the country’s cost.

Rubble, bricks, stone and marble

lay cracked against the others.

Trapped terrible beneath the lands most known,

imagine being under stone.

Cracked the Earth before this flood

now everyone’s in fear.

The world aids to help its land,

but water struck hard first helping hand.

The elements of god’s creation turn opposing to his kind.

Thus around the world peers peep at just a glimpse,

Only we will know what has happened in Japan.

Our country lost and devastated, put all our bodies down.

crushed poor soft lives attacked with double blown.

Please help my home to become anew

to fix this mighty ruckus.

We trusted God’s resources but they struck against us!

We flee the shore, still swept away,

dead upon the waves we sway.

For thousands lost you all should pray,

as we would do the same for you one day.

Reviews

[Phillitup]

Hey!
You've gladly reviewed a TON of my stuff so it's time for me to start reviewing you. I have a couple issues with this poem. Or should I say comments instead? Some are positive, so yes, comments. When you say "how cruel Mother Nature" are you talking to mother nature or not? If you are, it's fine. If your not though, I like to point out the use of the word "is" in the end of that line. I think this could use a bit more imagery and maybe some onomatopoeia's. I don't know if you wanted that effect but I think it would make it cooler. No, I'm not trying to say that this poem isn't cool, I;m saying it would be cooler that way. I would suggest running through this poem again in your mind and maybe checking the flow (I don't think that's a problem in this poem but who knows?) and maybe scanning over it for grammar, spelling, and maybe add and take away some of the words. Nicely penned.
Best regards,
Dell

[Icelanna]

I always thought of it as talking at mother nature, rather than trying to engage her. Poetry is not my strongest point, I prefer something which I can write for ages, I very rarely do it. It was for a school assignment I did in year 9 Lol. I am so indecisive when it comes to writing a poem. I long for depth and detail, hence why I write novels. I love poetry I think it's inspiring but it just doesn't agree with me!! :L But thank you very much anyway :) xx

[Phillitup]

Of course! I'm glad that I can even review something for you. Online I can't stand writing (and very often not)reading long passages as well as books. My attention span isn't long enough for that!

[Icelanna]

You'll hate my page then! :) It shows we are all different! I enjoy your's though x

[Phillitup]

I've already seen your page...I can take reading it, just not often.:)

[Avocations of Amber]

I wanted an opportunity to look at your poetry as you did mine. :)
I am glad you wrote a piece about that tragic day. It seems like these terrible occurrences can be so easily forgotten once they stop being mentioned.
To write about them helps others remember.

About your poem, I'd like to first point out something small in regards to its rhythm. I think that it may have flowed more smoothly if you had put more emphasis on the syllables within each line. When reading it, the poem seems a little scattered. I can see the value of using punctuation in a poem, as you have shown here, however, you should be sure that you're using it correctly so as not to misconstrue your rhyming. You see this in lines 18,19, and 20.
Overall, it's a wonderful reminder from the heart about how you felt for those who suffered that dreadful day. I enjoyed reading it and I am amazed at your talent for writing books as well! I hope I can read some of your other writings soon. :)

[Icelanna]

Aw thank you and I will take everything you've said on board! Poetry isn't my strongest point when it comes to writing but the urge is there to write it! :P
Thanks for reviewing x

[Mir]

This is really well written, and has a great message towards the end! Very nice rhyming. You had a nice pattern going, but beginning on the 17th line, you kind of lost the pattern. Which is fine, but it just seemed to get out of flow. And then you continued the rhyming pattern again towards the end!
Just a few minor issues, but I still enjoyed reading this! :)

[Sami Khalil]

We flee the shore, still swept away,

dead upon the waves we sway.
A nice write...

[Anor]

Very nice! I'm a big fan of having a developed rhyme scheme as opposed to free verse. The only major critique I can suggest here is to add some imagery, you know, with some more metaphors and similes. The ones you've used are great, but more is always better, isn't it? ^_^

[Icelanna]

Thank you :) Yeah I agree, it was just a fifteen minute flow, not much thought went into it! :]

[Icelanna]

Please comment if you like it! :)