What's Eating You

Opening sequence written in the third person compared to being written in the first.

Third Person Narrative

 

    The dripping grease of the freshly cooked chips sickened Eliza. As the grubby sauce bottles lined up against the counter she felt her stomach turn as the crispy battered fish was slopped onto the pile of chips; standing, waiting for the salty food to be wrapped in a bag, covered in salt and vinegar, to take back home.

    "That'll be £2.40 m'lovely" requested a fat red-faced man, holding his grimy nails at her. Disgustedly Eliza shoved a fiver at him and left without collecting change. She pulled her hood over as tears of rain drizzled and her trainers splashed in the puddles as she marched home. Upon reaching the front door, her father grabbed the plastic bag from her hands and walked away. Eliza hung her red damp jacket on the hook beside the stairs and couched her arms as she sat on the arm of her leather sofa, watching her father scoff the greasy chips into his mouth by the dozen.

    Eliza cringed with the crunch of the scrumps and felt sick as he laughed, his mouth wide open, bits of mushy chips splattering around his chin. He scowled at her after a glance and turned his attention back to his bag of fat.

    Exiting to the kitchen, she found her bottles of cool water emptied and placed in the fridge with high sugary energy drinks. Everything healthy was discarded and replaced with something physically harmful in Eliza's eyes. 

    Eliza was diagnosed with Anorexia at aged 15. She was hospitalized for a week after an episode and was referred to a dietician and a psychologist. She saw the dietician for two weeks but prevented going after being told everything she thought was wrong. "Fats are good for you, your body cannot function without them". What did she know, she thought.

    To Eliza fats were damaging and potentially fatal to her. Being such a contrast between herself and her greedy father she saw no point in arguing with the subject but to simply give up, he didn't care anyway. He wouldn't even encourage her to eat only to buy and make him food.

    After the death of her mum, Eliza's family quickly slipped away. Her eldest sister moved to London to become a doctor and her step-sister went back to her own father in Summerset, leaving Eliza with her father who also dropped to rock bottom.

    He used to be a fine gentleman, wore clean shirts and colourful ties to work every morning. Drank wine with a casual evening meal and never moped around but always entertained himself. He would talk with clarity and would always be grateful to other people. But since the car accident and Eliza's hospitalization he became the opposite. Today he sits a shadow of his former self. No manners, no cleanliness and no ambition. He quickly lost his grip on reality after the death of his wife.

    Now her father would wear grey-stained vests as he slouched in front of the television. He became unemployed and now transformed his life into being a miserable old git who cares only about himself. Eliza resented him and stayed as far away from him as possible.

    The house used to be lovely. White painted walls with floral boarders and fluffy cream carpet. Now the walls were grey and the boarder flapped as it hang away and the carpet was matted with hair and leftover food containers and cups.

    "Bring us a beer Liza!" he bellowed as she gazed into the dimly lit fridge. She grabbed a can and held it out to him when she returned. He didn't take it. "Open it 'en!" she tugged the lip, beer bubbled over her fingers. He snatched it from her and barked for her to get out of the way of the television.

 

*

    Eliza sat on the edge of her bed staring at an old photo of her family. Everything seemed so perfect back then but now everything is as it shouldn't be. She missed her mum, she gave her stability, but after she left her eating disorder kicked in rapidly.

    She already had an issue with eating, she'd skip a meal or two and would drink low sugared energy drinks to supply her with energy. Rosie, her mum, always encouraged her to eat and always prepared the most delicious food which couldn't be uneaten. When she left her eating became worse, her dad to heartbroken to cook or do anything became useless and Eliza had to fend for herself and she had no idea of what to do. She'd destroy the idea of buying fast food and would live off apples and grapes in school and live on sandwiches at home.

    It wasn't until last June she'd began to eat more, when she met her boyfriend Will. He was a caring boy who had her best interest at heart - his parents cared deeply for her and always helped her with her Anorexia. "Don't you go hungry now miss, if you need anything just give us nod," offered Sharon, his mum.

Author's Note

Do you think it should be written in the first person instead to give realism and depth?

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

I think you did a great job with it in third person, though I'm a bit biased of that because I generally prefer third person over first (don't know why...). I like how detailed this is, describing the food, her reactions, her relationship with her father, and how you put the reader into the picture then give the backstory, and pull it up at the end. I've also just noticed that when I read English writing, as compared to American, it has an English accent in my head, just because of the words :) lol great write hun

[Icelanna]

I am exactly the same with American writing - the accent just appears! I don't know why :L Thank you very much x