A Collection of Retched, Diseased Villiany (And Other Bedtime Stories)

This is my (incomplete) version of the tea party in Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

"Boris, may I ask you a question?"
"Why certainly Norris! Ask away!" said Boris to Norris.
"Does this tea taste funny to you?"
"Oh no, not at all, it's tastes a little more nostalgic to me."
"My thoughts exactly, except instead of 'nostalgic', I would have used 'funny'."
A loud crash came from the kitchen and Boris and Norris were suprised find themselves being joined at the tea table by Horus, the albino alabaster Armenian asfixiated aardvark. He sat next to Boris, which was, coincidentaly, across the table from absolutely nothing, seeing as how Boris and Norris were sitting across from each other, therefore, with no one else at the table, the albino alabaster Armenian asfixiated aardvark named Horus was staring at the wall when he very well could have been looking at a person.
"Horus!" exclaimed Norris. "How nice of you to join us, we were just having an indepth discussion about the mood and personality of this tea and--". Horus was paying neither Boris, nor Norris, who was specifically talking to him, any attention. He was sniffing around the legs of the table, every so often flicking or pinching them.
"This structure's consistancy is inconsistant," is all he muttered. Boris just blinked for a moment, then said, "That statement is hardly not un-irrelevant to this conversation. Why do you do that all the time?"
"I didn't!" exclaimed Horus defensively. "Twas Norris, for all we know." They both looked to Norris who only said, "He makes a strong arguement..." Boris stood up and pointed an accusatory finger at Norris. "That, sir, is a bold faced lie!"
Norris stood up and held his nose high. "I never lie, unless I'm lying right now, but seeing as how I never lie, I'm not lying, except if I'm lying, which I very well may be."All of this was very high and nasaly, because if you were holding your nose in the air, your fingers would pinch your nostrils shut, preventing air from flowing freely in your nasaly passages, thus, the high and nasaly voice.

"TEA TIME!!!" came the call from the kitchen. Boris got very excited and said, "We shall have to continue this discussion at a later time. It's tea time!" and started heading for the kitchen, but Horus stood up. "Boris, we have tea here on this very table! Here, I'll show you!" and he pointed to the tea cup in front of Boris.
"Ah yes, my apologies. Now where were we? Ah yes, talking about Doris! I do hope she'll arrive soon, I am ever so bored with the people at this tea party, present company excluded." Horus and Norris nodded their heads in agreement.
"Now Norris, is it true what they say: masturbation makes the heart grow fonder?" asked Horus from under the table, for he was continuing to poke and prod the poor tables' legs.
"No Horus," said Norris. "You have that confused with 'mastication". The saying is 'Fondness makes the heart grow mastication."
"Yes, sorry, I forget these things." Boris picked up a slice of watermelon from the plate and took a bite, then grimiced in disgust. "This watermelon needs more cheese," he said as he applied generous amounts of butter to it.