Be Ashamed

"And the time came that Hades flooded out, and nothing helps when you mix oil with blood."

"Mommy! Mommy!" I cry as the explosion wipes off the sea. Mommy's nowhere to be seen; the air is heavy and hot. I can't seem to understand�"what's just happened? In just one second my whole world went off and changed in a way I could never imagine�"sky, so blue and cloudless up till now, was covered in black ashes, red glow in the north fills me with dread. Everything I want is to run, fly away from here, but first, I have to find Mommy.
I see Her at last: She surfaces so far from me. I start running on the water, I want to fly to Her, but then I see a big wave coming from the north. We always liked the cold shower the waves gave us, so I feel happy for Mommy… until I realize the water isn't pure anymore�"the wave is dark, red substance on the surface. Blood, I think, paralyzed with fear.
"MOMMYYYY!" I yell, but I can't do anything�"the wave falls onto Her, pushing Her underwater. I hear Her trying to say something, but Her screeches turn into weak gurgle.
"No, no, no, no, no, no," that's all I can stammer out, swimming ahead with my eyes set on the place where She disappeared. I move my legs as fast as I can, but the further I swim, the harder it becomes. Water is thick here, oily somehow, and I realize I'm in this bloody area where everyone dies.
Suddenly, I see a black beak and Mommy surfaces right in front of me. She lies inertly on the water and I feel my heart burst. Mommy, shivering from cold, covered in overwhelming black, looks at me from underneath heavy, sticky lids, and Her eyes are misty.
"Mommy, Mommy!" I nudge Her, trying to wake Her up, but it's not working. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" I want to tell Her that I'm sorry, that I love Her and that I don't want Her to go into that place nobody comes back from; but my throat seems squeezed so hard Her name is the only word coming out.
And just when I'm sure She'll never move again, Mommy raises Her head. I feel the surge of hope�"Mommy's still here with me, in just a second She's going to tell me everything will be all right; but then I see Her beak is glued together with that gruesome, black blood. She's not going to say anything. I'll never hear Her voice again. 
Mommy just nudges my chest, silently�"so awfully silently�"forcing me to go, but I can't move. I don't want to leave Her, my body feels numb, and She keeps nudging me, even though She can clearly see it's not working. But then I notice I'm floating out of that bloody area and I understand everything.
"MOMMY!" I cry, watching Her lay down on the water and look into the sky with empty eyes, and suddenly I feel the words flowing out my beak. "Mommy, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mommy! Don't go, Mommy, don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!"
Too late. The only answer I hear is the bubbling sound, when Her carcass sinks into the waves.


Dead bodies everywhere. Red sky, black water and my lungs screaming pain. "I have to survive," I tell myself, "I have to survive for Mommy." I repeat it over and over again until the words are embedded into my mind, but still, it becomes so hard to believe in. Survive… It was so easy when orcas were the only threat to us. I hated them with all my heart, watching them take away my brothers, sisters, colony. Now the orcas lie on the shores, breathing hard in agony, and I feel infinitely sorry for them.
"I have to survive," I say again, but this is the last time. I can't survive, I'm gonna die!, I realize and I'm surprised I don't care at all. All my foes have become friends, and so has Death. Maybe it's true what they say? Maybe we all go to one place after we die? Maybe I'll see Mommy again?
The reminiscence of her white feathers covered in that strange black blood makes my eyes wet. Everything becomes blurry and I can't see I'm now swimming north, not until the water gets thick again. I shake my head and my vision is clear again; suddenly, I stop in front of that huge, scary thing humans built here. It's burning and collapsing into the sea�"and, to my surprise, bleeding with that strange blood that killed Mommy. I feel the fury take over my mind; seeing in red, I surge ahead.
I'm going to give this monster the final blow! May it die as Mommy died! May it lie as orcas lie, waiting for Death to come for them! May it SCREAM as WE ALL SCREAM!
Suddenly, I stop. There are humans there. Some of them stand still with fear in their eyes, others run around in panic. One lies on the ground, burning.
I can't move�"I've never seen humans before. Why don't they do anything? Didn't they create that monster? They know how to put it down, don't they? And if so, why are they standing still or panicking, when the world is crashing down? WHY DON'T THEY DO ANYTHING?
I'm so enraptured by this view that at first I don't notice the black blood slowly covering my feathers. I panic, I try to shake it off, but it's sticky and the more I try, the more of my body it takes over.
"MOMMY!" I scream, but then I remember… there's no Mommy to help me. There's no Mommy. No Mommy.
The humans notice me drown in the black thing and they look at me as I fight to stay on the surface. I want to spread my wings and fly, even though I can't fly very well, but the strange blood is in my feathers, too heavy for me to ever be able to raise them. Suddenly I understand�"it's the end. I'm just a little seagull, what can I do?
I stop struggling and let my body sink. The humans only stay there, watching me die, and I feel strangely sad. Underwater isn't as beautiful as I remembered. There are no more fish or infinite blue. The water is dark and scary and so… empty. There's nobody here. Nobody to see me, nobody to pity my end.
It's empty. Like Mommy's last look.
As the remains of hot air are gone, I feel odd. My chest hurts… My memories come back to me. The dark water turns into overwhelming brightness, and I see a shattered egg around me. Mommy looks at me proudly. My first flight, when Mommy shoved me off the shore… My first swim out in the sea side to side with Mommy… Mommy feeding me… Mommy… Mommy… Where's Mommy? Mommy, it hurts… Mommy, where are you? Mommy, come, that heart hurts so much… I don't want to be alone, Mommy… I miss my Mommy, why isn't She here?
I miss Mommy so much… Will I see Mommy again? Will Mommy be waiting for me? Is there anything, anything on the other side? Is Mommy there?
My eyes are shut, but I see something. Is that Mommy? Is that really Mommy? My thoughts smile, I wait to feel her gentle beak on my cheek. But it's not Mommy. It's just her corpse, it's floating on the water in front of some humans, up to their knees in the black water. Pain tears my heart apart. Don't touch Mommy! Leave Mommy alone! It's not just a carcass, it's my Mommy, you can't touch Her! The last spasm shakes my body, when I try to stop them, but I can't. The humans stick a pole into Mommy and toss Her into a black bag. Furious, I curse them. Be damned! Be ashamed!
Hope flees from me and life follows. I see Death, coming to me, and she looks like Mommy. I'm delighted with Mommy's sparkling, but also a bit sad look, and her eyes are so calm I want to sink into them, just so I can't feel that pain anymore. Mommy is here, I only think, Mommy's here with me. Mommy puts her beak on my cheek and says quietly:
"Don't worry, sweetheart… Everything's going to be all right."


You, who read this, please�"remember my story. Please, remember my pain, remember Mommy's dead body floating on the water, remember the orcas on the shore, deep in agony. And remember our scream, our shared silent scream from the last minutes of our lives:
"Be ashamed! Be ashamed to be human!"

Author's Note

Part of the "Why?" series of stories about animal rights.