dream

idk, indescribable

one room.

slient.dark.

there is a bed, i lay still in it.

cant sleep, with all these hours i am pulling,

my sleeping clock has been shot to wack!

but i close my eyes, to face the one thing i fear the most.

dreaming.

it takes about an hour obviously, but when it happens and my body loses itself, i cant help but to gain this feeling of anxiety.

i never know what to expect.

it used to be that when i dream, i woke up forgetting, but it has become more frequent, that i wake remembering...

i wish i wouldnt.

maybe the dreams are signs of my frustration, or stress, maybe life, or the future.

No it couldnt be the future.

as i drift into this slumber, i become light, i can feel everything, emotions, physical pain or suffering. sad.

the dreams arent scary, but they make me miserable.

the people i miss, are in them, the person i loved so deeply i would have done anything for, are in these dreams, i was so sure i was over this. i mean, it has been a year and three months... i think.

but there she is, just waltzing around in my personal dream, like she has a say in this.

she looks well, happy, and beautiful. she finished what we had. why is she here. this is not hers.

but i cant stop myself, i have no control, i move towards her as she walks towards me.

we embrace eachother, and then suddenly i have this rush of what i missed so much about her, how she would hold me at night before we went to bed, or how she whispered i love you in my ear before she closed her eyes to have dreams of her own, how her hands felt in mine, and how i had a claim on her, because she was mine. because i loved her.

the thing is when i am awake, i dont ever think about this. never crosses my mind.

until she texts me. and then i get weird. enough of that, the dream now!

it is like flashbacks, painful memories, i guess i blocked them out, things i pushed so far away up here that i thought i could just forget, like the time when we had our first date, and i slept over after the battle of the bands i was so tired, but wanted her so bad. or when we were in class together, and she would stare at me from across the room to watch me play, i missed that. meeting eachother having many weekend nights together, sharing a sweet sixteen hotel party, and a hole two years worth of me loving her right down the f*****g drain. she moved on quickly, i guess i didnt, maybe i never will, i guess on the outside when i am awake, i just have hope. i will have a new beginning. a better love.

this is just a dream right?

 

 

Reviews

[Gravedigger]

I think that this says a lot about you. You put a lot of heart into everything you do, and it shows in the way you express yourself when you write. Very good on describing the dream! I was a tad confused because towards the end it became less poem-like and kept going, almost like a transition into a short story. If you intended to do that, I thought it worked out pretty well in the end. Nice one, Mer!