Here I Am

Here I am

can you see me?

I am standing right here,

here in front of you

can you see me at all?

 

Here I am

I waved my hands

I yelled, yelled, yelled

you turned to this person

that you have called friend

and you said,

"I hear this person, this person here"

 

Away I am,

away I went

I found the fortune teller

I asked her who you were,

who my friend was,

and then I ran away

once I felt her cold breath chill down my neck

 

Here I am

I'm here in front of you

you laugh, laugh, laugh

at my frowning clown face

my make-up is running down my face,

driven by tears,

but you burry your eyes into your

hands as you laugh

so hysterically

you don't see me

do you?

 

Here I am

here is the fortune teller

she sits here

I see her

you want to,

but you are not smart enough

you don't know how

you are so stupid,

aren't you?

 

You ask her, her ghost

she says what you don't want

cry, cry, cry

I am exposed

you say how I am

a better human being than you

I live,

you choose not to

you asked, asked, asked

suicide, suicide, suicide

 

Here I am

I am still here

I am trying to let go

but the fortune teller has her

cold grip on my fingers

 

She raises my fingers to her lips

she inhales

I feel so cold

I have only one blanket

one blanket on the floor

one, one, one

 

I want to go

I want to go home

home? home? home?

I am so scared

cry, cry, cry

 

Where I am

I am not here

I've blocked you away

hidden you from me

but I cannot see through this brick

 

I know you on the other side of Berlin

you and your pathetic so called 'life'

you are so stupid

you tell, tell, tell

you cry, cry, cry

from a glare,

given by a friend who will never not care

 

It's all just a game,

isn't it?

your freak show and tell?

you are so stupid!

laugh, laugh, laugh

cry, cry, cry 

for money, money. money

"more, mommy!

more, daddy!

more, world! MORE!

attention! attention! attention!"

you pathetic child!

 

Here I am

I am lost

I am lost now that I'm home

here in my ink,

here in my strings,

here in my court

I am lost

nobody, no one, nothing

nobody, nobody, nobody

nobody is here,

here where I am

 

Alone, alone, alone

here I am.

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

This is written about more personal issues in my life. You probably will not understand some things because you do not know me personally.

Reviews

[Shadows of Sight]

Wow...I could feel emotions of anger and resentment of a sibling coming through this. Full of personal power and vivid images that can relate only a fraction of what one may actually be feeling. Alot did come through though.

Well writen for a personal creation of outpouring emotion.

Nature's Essence

[Legion]

Lot of angst in this one. Not sure I understand all of it (and you stated that could happen), but I understand the loneliness of it. Good write.

[Nana Carmine]

I understand how it feels to be alone and I really sympathize with you. Thank you for sharing this with us, I really like it.

~Nana Carmine

[Emily B]

I may not understand your personal issues, but I can feel the emotion-laden words. I felt cold reading this. Chilled through. Wishing you better days ahead.